You can dress us up...

Lauren and I received a gift certificate for $100 to a high-end furniture store when we closed on our house last year. The gift certificate came in a “welcome to the area” basket and was due to expire soon so we figured we would use it for accessories. Since it is difficult to shop for anything with Maxfield, we hired a babysitter and Lauren I went to the store to shop.

This furniture store was huge. 85000 square feet of overpriced couches, tables, bookshelves and area rugs. As we entered the store, as with car dealers, shoe stores and strip clubs, we were approached by a person working there that we knew was not going to leave us alone the entire time we would be there. The salesman’s name was Jim. He wanted to be our best friend.

Like most men I hate furniture shopping. Like most women Lauren enjoys it. She was browsing the different area’s looking for accessories as well as gathering some design idea’s for our house. Lauren, of course, would see a piece that she liked and would run her hand over the surface, open drawers and admire the craftsmanship. I, of course, would look at the price and roll my eyes and move on. Jim was never really out of eyesight of us.

At one point we approached a home theater room. This room was totally decked out. Surround sound, leather recliner seats with cup holders, a second row of recliner seats a step up from the first ones, a giant, and I mean Giant television, red fabric on the walls the whole shebang.

Lauren and I entered the room, sat down on the chairs and, admired the whole feel of the room. The only problem was that there was nothing on the TV.

We exited the room and our buddy Jim was standing there waiting to explain the finer details of the room.

“You can get that exact room, stereo, TV, surround sound, totally wired and installed for 170 thousand dollars.”

“Oh.” I said. “How come the TV is not on?”

“They don’t let us turn it on.”

“You know, if you had that television on, I would sit in there and watch it the whole time while my wife shopped. Just think about it. You could just play old football games and I would spend hours in there. I wouldn’t be bothering my wife to leave, and you might be able to make a sale.”

“Well” he replied. “We don’t actually own that room. The people that do, rent the space from us. So it is difficult to use it for our advantage.”

“That sucks.” I said “Just think of the money your store could make if you had a football game on in there……”

(and this is where the edit button stopped working.)

“……A football game or Porn”

Lauren rolled her eyes and said, “Bill!? Do you have to embarrass me every time we are out in public?”

I apologized.

Jim did a nervous chuckle and started to lead us into another section.

As we wound our way through the desks and dining tables in the next section Lauren stopped to admire a desk. Jim sensing that she was lagging behind slowed down to wait for her. She rubbed her hand over the surface, looked up and noticed that we were waiting.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She said as she picked up her pace. Then with out realizing what she was saying she said, “I love feeling wood.”

I burst out laughing. “Do you have to embarrass me every time we are out in public.”