Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Most Romantic Thing Ever Done For Me

I was managing an after hours nightclub in Philadelphia when I first met Lauren. This nightclub was on the strip with all the other major nightclubs in the city. The club had a huge un-monitored parking lot where many club-goers would park whether they were coming into my club or not. In an effort to reserve parking spaces for VIP’s for my club I had 5 orange construction cones to block some spots. Five was not enough, and the different valet services on the strip would steal my cones.

I, eventually, used bar stools, trashcans or folding chairs in an effort to block more spots for the clubs patrons. I looked into buying more cones but they were expensive and there were also minimum orders of 100 cones or more. I only needed about 25. Whenever Lauren or I would go out and we passed a road construction site I would say in my best Homer Simpson voice, “Mmmmmm. Cones.” I would drool at how many cones were all over the street in different neighborhoods that were not really being used properly. If we drove by a soccer field that had cones marking the sidelines I would slow down and try to count them. Lauren always found it funny that I obsessed over any orange construction cone I would see. I admit I was obsessed.

One night, after a few months of dating Lauren, she called me at work and asked that I stop over her place after work. I found the request a little strange. After work for me was 4:30 in the morning. She would be asleep but I guess she wanted some company. She would leave the front door open for me.

I made my way home, changed out of my smells-like-smoke-fog-beer-sweat-vomit-clothes and walked to her apartment. She shared a house with other roommates and her room was on the third floor. I crept up the two flights of steps as quietly as I could so I would not wake her or her roommates. I knocked quietly on her door and opened it a crack to make sure she was there. The sun was just coming up and was lighting the room just enough for me to see her lying on the bed. I saw the flicker of a few candles casting shadows dancing on the wall. Her smile brightened the room even more. I smiled back and pushed the door further to enter.

The door got caught on something and only opened enough for me to squeeze through. It was at that point that I saw, what to this day is still one of the best things I have ever seen, her floor was covered with 35 orange construction cones. The smell of the polyvinyl rubber was intense. There was barely a spot for me to place my foot to walk across the room. It reminded me of the scene in Aliens when Ripley discovers the “egg-pod” room. I seriously could not believe it. I was shocked and I started laughing. Lauren laughed with me.

It was at that exact moment that I knew I was going to marry Lauren.

Lauren and her friend Jessica spent the previous night driving to many different construction sites and “borrowed” a few cones from each one. They filled their car with them and carried all of cones the two flights of stairs into her room so Lauren could surprise me.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought there was going to be a cone next to her in the bed saving your spot. Many cones is even better. I hope you burned those night club clothes.

Circus Kelli said...

Now THAT is awesome!

Kami said...

Now she is just the bestest. :)

Susie said...

That's love.

MetroDad said...

Hahaha...brilliant! Definitely one of the most romantic things I've ever heard. I love it!

Meegs said...

Aww, that is damn sweet. What a woman.

Happy Valentine's Day to the who Poop and Boogies Family (including new baby).

Mags said...

VERY cool. Thanks for sharing the story!

The Kept Woman said...

Cones.

Hee hee...like the word balls.

That ws totally sweet...see? That's what love is about. Stolen construction gear.

Mx's Favorite Uncle said...

You call that romantic, I like to think of that as Theft. For all these years, I thought Lauren was a nerdy werdy, goody goody, who was a black belt in Karate. To find out she is a thief disturbs me a bit.

TBG said...

That is too funny!

No_Newz said...

Nothing says lovin' quite like a room full of construction cones. She is a sweetheart!
Happy Valentine's Day to you two crazy kids!

Sharkey said...

Who woulda thought that construction cones could make me tear up?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Anonymous said...

Cones? Cones ?

When we had cones, Mama would sweep them off the porch with a broom.

mrtl said...

Man's eye view of romance. I love it!

Happy Valentine's Day P&B!

Tx Mom said...

Now that is true love. My husband says he knew I was the one when he spilled soda on the floor and I said "shit happens."

Jeff A said...

So your telling us that your wife has a criminal background?

Heh, that is so cool

Thank God you were obsessed with traffic cones and not dog poo.

Cat said...

(And I mean this...) CUTE!

A woman sharing her cones with you like that? Dude. THAT is love.

Happy V-Day, Poop & Boogies clan.
;)

debbiecakes said...

I don't get it. What's with the cones? I'm lost. But I have some weirdo obsessions myself, so I guess people in construction zones shouldn't throw rocks at some else's orange cones through a glass house...er, something like that.

LizzieDaisy said...

That is the best. This is why I love your blog so much. Sigh... totally the best Valentine's Day note I've read in forever. Theft or not. :)

Football Widow said...

What a great woman you have there!

ieatcrayonz said...

I would so totally turn you in for breaking the law, but I can't for the tears of laughter in my eyes.

CroutonBoy said...

She's a keeper! Thank god you didn't say "Mmmmmm...porta-potties"

Stacie said...

That's one of the sweetest stories I've ever heard! Happy Valentines Day to Bill, Lauren, Maxfield and Baby!

SoozieQ said...

That right there is my kind of romance too! Not the cones necessarily, but something that shows the other person really *gets* you. Sense of humor wise and all :-)

Happy Valentine's Day to you and Lauren!

kimmyk said...

that's love. she was risking going to jail if caught just to steal shit for you....

nothing says i love you like doing time for someone. i mean..had she got caught. ya know.

Random and Odd said...

TEARS! I HAVE TEARS!

Bente said...

Awww. That was so sweet!

Lowa said...

I was just thinking about you guys today. Wondering how you are handling no sex. Being a man and all. I am sure Lauren is tickled with the break, but I know YOU are not happy! Makes me chuckle.

Yes, you have a keeper there, to be sure.

Toady Joe said...

That there is some TROO LUV. She's a keeper!

kalki said...

This was AWESOME.

I am a bit obsessed with the traffic sticks. You know? They are orange like cones but tall and skinny? Everytime we drive by a bunch I'm like, "Ooh! I WANT those." I have no idea why.

Mainline Mom said...

So what you're telling us is Lauren is a cleptomaniac? No seriously, it's sweet.

Anonymous said...

(Lauren's sister Lisa)...that is the sweetest thing I ever heard! :-)

LotionBarBunny said...

I thought you were going to walk in and she would be wearing the cones on her cones and say something like, "So do you like my cones?" lol.

She is a pretty awesome girl. 3 cones...err cheers for Lauren!

Drama Mama said...

Awww...that's adorable.

Greenthumb said...

I'm slow in my responses, but this was a great story. Truly.