Thursday, April 23, 2009

Illegitimate Children

I have been making arrangements for Jackson's baptism. I wanted to register with St. Johns, the parish that I belonged to as a kid, and I needed to finagle a paper work switch with the parish where I am supposed to go. I called the rectory at St. Johns and I spoke with Father R. and told him of the registration switch. In an effort to facilitate a quicker move Father R. asked me to register over the phone with him until the proper paper work made it's way to his office.

Father R. asked for the basic info such as address, family members, D.O.B etc. etc. He then wanted some background information about which sacraments I received.


Baptism-Check

First Penance-Check

Holy Communion-Check

Confirmation-Check

Marriage - well this is where it got interesting.

When father R. asked about the sacrament of marriage I explained that Lauren and I were not married in a Catholic Church. I did tell him we were married by a Catholic Priest we found on the Internet who left the priesthood to start a family.

Father R. then advised me that there was a good chance Lauren and I were not legally married. He told me of some local recent court cases where ex-priests who officiated wedding ceremonies were never legally registered with the state. He asked me if I would like to have a service at the church to bless my marriage and make sure it was all documented. I told him I would check with Lauren and let him know. Father R. urged that I investigate the legality of my wedding documents. Legally, he said, my marriage may not be recognized by the state and that my marriage is not really recognized by the Catholic church.

I, of course, could not let this opportunity for a joke go to waste and I said, "Are you saying there is a chance I am not married? You mean that I am single again. Woo hoo! Easy way to get rid of the ol' ball and chain. You know what I mea...I guess...uhmm you wouldn't....never mind."

He did not laugh and again suggested that me and Lauren to set up a time for a marriage blessing service.

We then got back to discussing dates for Jackson's baptism. We talked about the Godparents and requirements and whatnot and every time Father R mentioned Jackson's name I had to fight the urge to refer to Jackson as "that Little Bastard".

28 comments:

inklenaomi said...

I can't wait to read what all your siblings have to say....

(my word verification was smorcho, sounds like what might happen to you if you don't get this taken care of) :0)

eclectic said...

Oh Bill... I love that even sacred things are never too sacred for a laugh when you're involved. Poor Jackson, that Little Bastard. And his big bastard brothers too. ;)

Anonymous said...

You better be careful, Lauren might take this opportunity to leave!!!

Barb said...

You seem to love to get yourself into deep doo-doo, wait till Lauren sees this! Can't wait for Susie's comment.

BunnyBear said...

I can't wait to hear what Lauren said.

Anonymous said...

Like my godson, I just want to be naked for a couple minutes.

Anonymous said...

Awesome. You know how I love weddings. I wish I could remember the last one.

Anonymous said...

Can I be best man this time?

Anonymous said...

Oh, and for the toast I want to be Chaka from Land of the Lost.

Anonymous said...

Oh my Lord that was so funny I almost wet my pants. Thanks for inviting us into your life. I love your brother!

Susie said...

Well, you beat me to it, Bill. God bless your little bastards.
But seriously, this pushes my buttons. As far as my husband's whole Roman Catholic family is concerned, our marriage is not "recognized." The arrogance! Part of why my husband is not longer of that persuasion. You are a more patient person than I, or more faithful, or something, to put up with it.
I hope you and Lauren get whatever pleases you most, here, and without too much absurdity.

SciFi Dad said...

As a bastard in the eyes of the Catholic church, I sympathize with your son. My parents were both Roman Catholic, but because my father only had a divorce and not an annulment at the time of their wedding, they couldn't get married in a Roman Catholic church and instead got married in a United.

When I was 10 or 11, the annulment came through and they renewed their vows, but technically since I was born "out of wedlock", I'm a bastard.

Patience said...

Hey, you guys shoulda got married in Texas! We're not too picky here! Anybody claiming to be a preacher of any kind can marry any one.

Melinda said...

Well, this could be fun. All the little basta...I mean boys, could dress up as super heroes this time around. You could have all your guests come dressed as a hero or villian.
Oh, and the cake...shaped like a batmobile, and Lauren could be batgirl on the cake.
I can see it all.
Oh yes, good luck with old ball and chain comment.

Sharkey said...

I think you should find a church where the priest has a sense of humor.

Cat said...

Aaaaw... Poor little bastards. And I totally agree with Sharkey. Find a church with a priest that has a sense of humor. Good LORD!

Pun not intended.

sari said...

Yeah, we've got three bastages, too. But I love 'em.

kcinnova said...

"You know what I mea...I guess...uhmm you wouldn't....never mind." ROTFL

As a preacher's kid, I had to laugh. But now I need to ask my SIL if her kids are also little B's, since her husband is Catholic and they got married in a Presbyterian church.

Anonymous said...

Wow, will the Justice League be able to attend? They must be getting up in age by now.

Anonymous said...

William, you always do things will identifiable flair! The "First" marriage was 'One of a kind' I was there and had a good time. I recognize your marriage and so does GOD! The "Church" like all organizations, has its rules, laws, and some narrow-minded people making the decisions. Fr. R was not very welcoming to you. He should have been standing with his arms opened wide and giving you a welcoming hug. A chance for a new family to be in his "Church"... he missed a great opportunity. You and Lauren are good people. Our church needs good people. I am baffled. This, however, will not stop me from attending Mass and the sacraments. There is a Bigger Power at hand that I talk to. Priests are just human, they are not GOD. They are supposed to be here to represent The Holy ONE. Sometimes, because of their humanity, they fall short. We all fall short of our mission, at one time or another. Pray for him. momo9 I love you!

Anonymous said...

Jesus said, "Let the Children come to Me." He didn't say, "Let the legitimate children come to Me." Words to a hymn we sing in this same church says, "all are welcome, all are welcome, all are welcome in this place." I could go on and on. A church is just a builing....faith is in the mind and heart and soul.....me again:)

Susie said...

momo9 ROCKS.

JP said...

Pissing off the priest, repeat confession and penance...

traci said...

I agree! Momo9 TOTALLY rocks! So do you...and your little bas, uh...boys!

creative breathing said...

Dear William, I have been down your road, my son. It is how I ended up with a wedding cake from my husband that looked like St. Valentine's exploded. Our children are now legitimate. Excellent post. Love to hear how your writing class is going. E

Anonymous said...

Mom09 you continue to impress me,although
Bill I am game for a repeat , your first
wedding was a blast

Bogart in P Towne said...

Things could be worse...my parents were married and then divorced.

When I was 8, my father got remarried, but before it could be "blessed" he had to have his marriage to my mother anulled.

My 2 sisters and I were thus rendered Bastards.

I still cry a little inside.

kalki said...

If you and Lauren are not officially 'official', then you'd better re-marry her fast before someone else snatches her up. She's a total catch, as you know. (And you, too. Y'all need to snatch each other up. And I don't mean that in a sexual way...not sure of the stance on pre-REmarital sex...)