Wednesday, November 05, 2008

The Con

The dictionary defines the word "Con" as :To swindle or trick, to persuade by deception.

A true Con artist is patient and lets the con unfold over time in an effort to gain the CONfidence of the person they plan on duping. Most times a Con artist exploits their victims weakness such as greed or love or vanity.

The Con Artist: Lauren
The Victim: Me
My Weakness: Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy

I love sausage. Any kind, although I prefer the breakfast variety. I would eat sausage for every meal. (I know my brothers are laughing at me confessing my love of sausage and all the innuendo that statement possesses). Now I am going to mess with people's google searches by my next statement. Sausage is like Sex. There is no such thing as bad sex, or Sausage. Sure, some times some are better than others, but either way you are still getting some. Just like Ice Cream.

One of my favorite meals to have is Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy. When we lived in Florida, the South, I could order this meal almost any where and any time. Now that I live back in the North, not so much. There are a few places that try to make it but for the most part the only place that does a halfway decent job is Cracker Barrel. The closest Cracker Barrel to us is in Plymouth Meeting, a 30 minute ride and it is always crowded, so we never go.

A few weeks ago Lauren started to drop hints that maybe we should go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Every time she mentioned it we had already eaten and were busy with something else. She was teasing me. She was patient and she started the con early to gain my confidence. She was laying the groundwork. She mentioned it again this past Sunday morning. We had already eaten breakfast and we were busy.

The day went by and all I could think of was having Biscuits and Gravy.

Around 3 PM Sunday afternoon Lauren suggested we go to Cracker Barrel for Dinner. They would have enough choices for the kids and Lauren for a normal dinner and I could have Brinner of sausage biscuits and gravy. She exploited my weakness. I was sold and was excited with anticipation knowing that I would have my favorite meal in just a couple of hours.

Later, as we were packing the kids in the car, Lauren said, "Since we are going out to Plymouth Meeting I figured we could just stop by the IKEA which is right down the street."

And there it was, the greatest con.

I hate IKEA. IKEA is like going to Joann Fabrics. It is like the Pit of Despair. It is like Hell.

Lauren baited me with Cracker Barrel and switched in IKEA. We were in IKEA for an hour. I did eventually get the Biscuits and Gravy but it cost me a piece of my soul.

34 comments:

Sharkey said...

Now if it were me, JP would have to promise me a trip to Ikea in order to get me to Cracker Barrel.

And the sausage thing? Not going there at all! I'll leave that to your other commenters.

Melinda said...

I am totally with you on Ikea being the pits. I'd rather pay more money than go there.
Lauren is a good trickster.

Patience said...

Oooooh! Lauren is way wiser than you, my friend!! She can play you like a Steinway! You are simply, in over your head.

I really, really, really looove Lauren!!

Melissa said...

I'm with Sharkey - Cracker Barrel would require some sort of trade. I LOVE IKEA, in fact, i'm going there this weekend, a road trip of sorts and I am beyond excited about it.

Katie said...

I, too, have fixed this for dinner. So, why not make it yourself? The sausage gravy and buscuits? Here... step by step instructions on how to. I know this is not with the sausage IN the gravy, but... you could just add it after the gravy is done. :) And instead of patties? Just break up the sausage like you would hamburger meat for chili.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/09/biscuits_and_gr/

Katie said...

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/09/biscuits_and_gr/

The link got cut off in my first comment. :(

Katie said...

Ok, you're just not meant to know. Or maybe it just doesn't work on my screen. Sorry for the tripple comments!

April said...

Hey now, don't be talking smack about Joann's. If that place sold Diet Coke with Vanilla it would be heaven to me.

Quit your whining, you got your biscuits. I'm impressed you made it out of Ikea in an hour. That's an all day trip for us!

Regina said...

I love biscuits and gravy too. Also like Ikea, but since the closest one around here is near DC, I don't get there often (at all). I usually get my fix at the local Hardee's. Do you have any in PA? I swear, its as good as grandma's.

Anonymous said...

I Know Every Angle

Carmen said...

Please tell Lauren thanks for the idea!!!!

kalki said...

Now see, biscuits with gravy AND Ikea is pretty much my idea of a perfect day...

JP said...

Dude!!! JoAnn fabrics is the ABSOLUTE WORST!! I go into a coma-like stupor when Sharkey drags me in there.

Charlotte in Pa said...

Okay, wait. Do you really hate GOING to Ikea? Or do you hate trying to put their "furniture" together with those stupid little wrenches?

PS - Have you had the cinnamon rolls there? It might improve your mood if Lauren just parked you and the boys in the little cafe and let you eat Swedish meatballs and cinnamon rolls. She could shop and then come pick you up!

Mindy said...

Hee hee! That is sweet. I would have done the same thing, I'm sorry to say. Lol. I feel the same way about grits. Florida and Louisiana are about the only places that know how to make grits right.

Sue said...

The way to deal with IKEA. Find the ugliest couch in the ugliest fake room there. Drop the kids off in the kids playroom. Go to the ugly couch and take a nap. If you have a chef's hat wear it and pull it over your eyes. You will be the napping swedish chef!

Greenie said...

I have to say, you got off good with just an hour. Nick can spend 2 even 3 hours there. I hate the layout and the crowds.

Somehow, I think you came out ahead here. LOL!

H said...

OMG this sounds like a dream day to me. Especially if I actually have money for food AND Ikea. I loves me some Cracker Barrel grits.

Jody said...

I love me some biscuits and gravy! But then, I really like IKEA.

I must admit to have used the same tactic. Like shooting fish in a barrel, my friend.

Fulton Quads said...

I LOVE IT! I am going to have to try this out! heehee. My hubby LOVES his biscuits & gravy but he HATES shopping. Wonder if it will work! Thanks for the great idea!! Cathy

Lowa said...

I have been to Ikea once in my life and I will be thrilled if I never, ever go again. I don't understand the attraction AT ALL.

She is a tricky one alright!

I am glad that you at least got your sausage, biscuits and gravy:)

~moe~ said...

Delurking for maybe the 5th time... you got an award!!

http://saramoe.blogspot.com/2008/11/id-like-to-thank-academy.html

Bogart in P Towne said...

Ikea is the worst place ever. I will shop their online store or catalogue, but will never walk in. I feel lost and displaced in there...then, I want to sit and cry. Crying is not very becoming for a guy my size. It makes me look "special".

Charity Donovan said...

Lauren is good...very very good! The way to a man's heart MUST be thru his stomach! We could all use a little Lauren-101 class.

Mary said...

Sorry, that was a great con!!!!

kcinnova said...

Only an hour of IKEA? That is pretty darn quick! Just getting to an IKEA would take nearly 2 hours for me, so I have sworn off it for a while. Happily, Joann's is only 25 minutes away (and MUCH better than Michael's).

Sausage is yummy, and Lauren is brilliant.

Are you going to share your weird word searches from this post, if they aren't too disgusting?

eclectic said...

Oh, she's good, that Lauren. Masterful, even.

Cracker Barrel is the only thing I miss from having lived in Florida. Our nearest one is in Montana, 2 states away. Not even "Momma's Pancake Breakfast" is worth THAT drive, unless we're traveling through.

Steph said...

I will learn from Master Lauren.

justjuli said...

A very tasty, very satisfied piece of your soul??
Hopefully it was a win-win

Aunt Jo said...

SUCKER!!!!!!

Tiff said...

LOL Way to go Lauren! We women are good at the con game! LOL!

Sue said...

Just goes to show that she is brilliant!

rudecactus said...

Dude, you got had.

Mocha Dad said...

Chuckle, chuckle. You said sausage. I had to do that just in case your brothers don't get a chance to read this post.