Thursday, November 08, 2007


Lauren controls the finances in our house. And let me just say I would not have it any other way. If it were not for Lauren I would be “friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless and unemployed in Greenland.”

She taught me how to save money and be responsible with money. She didn’t really teach me, I knew how, I just chose not to. If it weren’t for Lauren being so good with money, I would most likely be homeless but I would have the best comic book collection in the world.

During our engagement was when I first realized how well Lauren could manage money. I don’t mean stock market and investments but more of the day-to-day paying bills and saving that was required for our future together. She would actually pay bills on time (who would have thought of that?) and budget, and put money into a savings account each week.

After we were married and we joined our bank accounts I was amazed that she would actually balance the checkbook. I was also shocked that if I took money out of the ATM she knew about it. She convinced me that using plastic was better for purchases because if I had the cash in my pocket I would piss it away on silly things. It was better that the money stayed in the account. It took me a while to get used to it. When we planned to buy our first house I was impressed by her skill because she managed to raise my credit score by 50 some odd points in a matter of months.

Her banking slowly became an addiction. Shortly after Maxfield was born, she asked me to run to the store for formula and diapers. I was gone for 30 minutes. When I walked in the door she called to me from upstairs.

“What else did you buy?” She asked

“Nothing.” I lied.

“Well you spent $40.57. Diapers and formula only would cost about 35.”

“How do you know how much I spent?” I asked.

“It’s on-line banking.”

“Do you mean to tell me that it only took 30 minutes for the charge to go through?”

“No. It only took about 15 minutes. I knew before you left the store’s parking lot. So what else did you buy?”

“Ice Cream.”

When I told my brother, the LawnWhisperer, about the ice cream incident he understood completely. He calls his wife, Vicki, The Auditor.

“My wife knows all of our bank account numbers and credit cards numbers by heart. Including the expiration dates and security codes. I barely know what my social security number is but the Auditor knows hers, mine, the kids. She knows I am going to the ATM before I even know that I am going to the ATM.” He told me.

Last week, Lauren and I were discussing some bank transactions. She knew them off the top of her head. I joked with her and called her the Auditor.

“No.” She said. “That’s Vicki. I am the Bank Whisperer.”

Who handles the finances in your house?


Meegs said...

The Bank Whisperer... I love it, your wife is awesome.

Trav and I both still have seperate accounts, with a joint account for bills etc. I guess I handle the majority of the finances, though I definitely don't follow it so closely as Lauren does! I balance the joint account check book and pay all the bills from it. Which is amusing since Trav's an accountant...

Patience said...

Me. It scares my husband that I pay nearly everything online. He's afraid that some cyberthief will steal all our money.

Teri said...

Well, since I'm still single, I handle the finances.

I know what Lauren means when she sees your transactions before you get home because they hit the bank that quick. But some of us aren't that "enthusiastic" about checking our online banking website every 10 minutes.

I also use Quicken and download every transaction from my bank so my account is pretty organized but again, not as organized as the "Bank Whisperer's".

Wendy said...

My husband's job is to bring in the money and my job is to make sure the money works for us. I am in charge of all the money and he wouldn't have it any other way. He told me on our date night that if it wasn't for me then he wouldn't have the credit score he has and he wouldn't have been able to start his business.

Some may think it is strange, but he doesn't have a debit card to our household account. 1. Most purchases he makes are business and 2. He fails to tell me when he makes a purchases. 3. I am not up to the status of Bank Whisperer, so while we do bank online, I forget to check it. I am old school everything gets written in my checkbook and I check that online.

Nilbo said...

I handle all the finances in our house. It's the only way we can do it, because my wife would get every monthly statement and spend hour upon hour trying to figure out where every penny went, driving herself and everyone else crazy. She literally would spend sleepless nights obsessing endlessly about money, until one day I sat her down and said "First, I'm taking this job away from you. Second, when you ask how things are in our bank account, I will always say "Just fine". Third, you can spend any money you want, any time, on any thing you want."

I do not balance (or usually, even open) bank statements. I occasionally check to make sure I'm not getting screwed by unauthorized service charges. Other than that, I put my money in, hers goes in automatically, all the bills are paid automatically, and I would not feel better knowing the details. I do not require written proof of my incompetence.

As far as I know - and as far as my wife knows - things at the bank are "just fine".

Oh, The Joys said...

Ha ha! K does. He makes these LONG power point presentations with pie charts to show me how our portfolio is invested. I like all the pretty colors.

Circus Kelli said...

Both of us... but Hubby does it way better than I do. He knows payments down to the penny and can rattle them off the top of his head. Me? Not so much. But I can tell you where that blue shirt with Mater on it is in the laundry cycle and whether or not we're out of peanut butter before you look.

Arturo said...

LOL! It's good to see that I'm not alone. My wife does 100% of our finances. I wouldn't have it any other way. She IS an auditor (11 years with a public accounting firm). I can't get away with anything! It's rough!

But...if she wasn't that way, we would be in the red each and every month.

All the best


Jamie said...

Me, and Lauren and I appear to be a lot alike. It is weird reading about it...I wanted to reach through and give her a high-five.

Chris H said...

My hubby handles our finances, I am hopeless at getting the check book to balance! I have my own money, and manage to keep it 'square' most of the time! I am not a numbers person.

kalki said...

Joint effort here, although Rob is really math-smart so he's more interested and on top of it than I am. But I insist on paying the bills because I love to write checks.

The Egel Nest said...

Not me...I am one online banking experience from Greenland myself...

The Egel Nest

Lynn said...

Me. My husband calls me The Terminator. That's because I stomp out waste with little or no mercy! Before my husband met me, his idea of a savings account was an old coffee can in his freezer. Can you believe it? We do have one thing going on differently in the money department in our house, though. I can't let my husband carry around a debit card. That spells disaster over here. When he has a certain (small!) amount of cash, then he cannot spend more than what he has in his pocket. If he has the card... then we got a problem! And I will get a ridiculous number of receipts out of the deal. I don't like that. Nope. Can't do it. He's kinda bad with money, but he's handsome, generally sweet and has changed many a nasty diaper in his day, though. Did I forget to mention that? :-)

Moi said...

Mr. Man handles the finances. Personally, I think he has a Quicken addiction. Is there a support group for that?

By the way, never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

Moi said...

One of my favorite movies of all time.

You were right a few posts ago ... there is nothing better than an MLT when the mutton is nice & lean.

He clearly said To Blathe ...

OK ... I must stop now.

Sharkey said...

I handle the finances, and we have one account for everything. Except . . . JP has a small amount of each check deposited into his "fun fund." It's at a separate bank, and I have absolutely no idea how much money he has in there. He uses it for things like comic books, Anime toys, and Green Bay Packer jackets that he doesn't need.

This account has saved our marriage.

Erin said...

I'm with Meegs - your wife is hilarious!

My husband is the brains behind our finances and I am the one who puts it into action. I pay all the bills, do all the grocery shopping. He makes the money and I spend it.

Heidi Hyde said...

Oh that's totally me. I'm the money-police in my house!


Michelle said...

Me. If SS Dad handled the finances, we'd end up having everything repo'd. He wouldn't ever remember to pay a single bill, until they sent notification they were shutting off the power or some other major catastrophy.

Anonymous said...

Let me guess... She plays the teller, and you play the bank robber. Then you handcuff her and put her in the vault...and then...

RzDrms said...

wait. what "finances"?!

Lisa said...

Hmm .. This sounds suspiciously like me. My husband hates that I know where he's just been and the amount of money he's just spent. :)

Still... ice cream.. not a bad addition. It was your reward for going to the store, right?

theotherbear said...

Hmm. Should I be worried about myself that I have excel sheets on our finances and once a week or so I lecture my husband on what he has been wasting money on?

No_Newz said...

I'm known here at the Wallet Warden. I'm glad those girls keep you two guys in check.

P.S. Lauren's new look is smokin'!!

Rachel said...

OMG! That sounds just like my house! I swear Nathan calls me the bank nazi! I know within minutes what he's spent and on what and where... drives him crazy! But he's thankful, too! THanks for the laugh and the deja vu moment!

Diane said...

Our finances run along the same path as Nilbo and his missus.
Employee retirement plans and benefit premiums deducted beforehand.
Direct Deposit for both of us into a joint account, several bills are automatically deducted, bank statement envelopes pile up on a shelf in the corner of the breakfast nook.
For a long time, I drove myself and everybody else crazy worrying about money, about becoming homeless, about being stranded alongside the road because of old cars, etc.
It's nice to be at a place in life where I'm not overwhelmed.

Once a month, I go to the teller window and get a previously determined amount of cash. Said cash is carefully placed into 4 envelopes, one for each week of the month, which are put into a locked drawer.
On Saturday, I pull out one envelope and we have Allowance Day, aka Personal Fun Money.
Neither asked the other where the money goes. Mine usually buys 2 Mocha Bianca Chiller lattes, lunches in the building cafeteria (I really got worn out with packing lunches when our sons were in school), yarn, a trip to the Thrift Store, a birthday gift for my spinster sister.
We figure the sons are making their own way in the world, bills are paid, the pantry is stocked, the car just got a new computer and alternator belt.

Yeah, nowadays, we are Blessed, but it seemed to take a long time and effort and mutual support to get here.


Jody said...

OK I didn't read any farther than the Princess Bride reference. I loves me some Princess Bride.

BTW- Doug makes the money an I handle the bills. It's fair that way. :)