Monday, May 14, 2007

Rest Room Play by Play

I have posted many times about how Maxfield always chose bookstores as his favorite place to poop. That is no longer the case. Now that he is no longer in diapers, his new favorite “place” to go # 2, is in restaurants. The last two times we have been out to eat, Maxfield has announced to the table that “I aftoo go poopy”.

Maxfield using the toilet is always a gamble. Sometimes, when he announces he has to go, he has to GO RIGHT NOW, and I can barely get his pants off in time. Other times it is a 10 to 20 minute event which consists of him staring between his legs at his own reflection in the water while he grunts and groans.

A few weeks ago we were out with my parents in a small Italian place that was more of a take out joint with a few tables than it is an actual restaurant. The men’s room resembled a closet with a toilet that is probably used more by vagrants than actual customers. Needless to say it was not very clean.

When we entered the bathroom I had to make the split second decision to clean up a little and paper the seat or risk having an accident. Like I said, a gamble. I chose not to clean up, which was good because it was quick trip. Maxfield most likely picked up the Clap in that bathroom.

On Friday night, we took the kids to Ruby Tuesdays. We received our drinks and were waiting for our food when Max made his announcement. We entered the large tile covered, very clean bathroom and headed for the first stall. I got Max situated on the toilet and I closed the stall door behind me. His face reddened and I knew we would be there for a bit.

After a minute or two we could hear the bathroom door open. Max, as loud as he could, yelled, “HI.” He then proceeded to ask me questions at the same volume, his voice echoing off the tiles, “WHO IS THAT? IS THAT MAN PEEING? Oh, THAT’S THE TOILET FLUSHING.”

The door to the restroom opened again. “HI. HI. WHO IS THAT DADDY? IS THAT MAN GOING TO PEE OR POOP?”

A few minutes later we heard the door open again.

I heard a woman from outside the restroom door instruct her son to make sure he washed his hands when he was done, and that she would wait for the boy outside the door. The boy must of been 7 or 8 years old, old enough to go on his own but young enough that he needed his mother to wait for him. The stall door next to us opened and a pair of little feet appeared.

“DADDY LOOK. A LITTLE BOY IS POOPING. HI BOY. I CAN SEE HIS SHOES, Daddy.”

It became very quiet in the restroom as Max leaned over to see the boys feet and he listened intently to the sounds in the stall next to us. We heard the little boy pee. “HE IS PEEING.”

We could hear the plopping in the toilet next to us. “THE BOY IS POOPING. IS THAT A BIG POOPY OR A LITTLE POOPY?”

The boy stood up. Which Max announced, “HE IS WIPING HIS HEINIE, DADDY.”

The toilet next to us flushed. “HE FLUSHED THE TOILET DADDY. Bye Bye boy. Bye Bye Poopy.”

I felt so bad for that little boy.

30 comments:

teri said...

OH. MY. GOD.

I would have been saying "kid, shut UP!"

That is hysterical.

Nancy said...

That is such a cute story, I look forward to a part 2 post with the same conversation about a man in the next stall ... I am sure that is still to come! LOL

bbsgirl said...

LOL...boy does that bring back memories!! thanks for the laugh.

Kami said...

OH, Max. Too damn funny.

My friend, TBG, too Nik to pee when she was here. They were in separate stalls, but she got this while they were in there:

"Kate, I have a penis. You don't because you are a girl. I am peeing out of my penis."

Good times for her.

Stacie said...

Oh Lordy...I would've gotten stage fright and wouldn't have been able to complete my transaction until after Max left...LOL
Stacie

Patience said...

Ah what a joyous time!!

Ern said...

Oh my gosh, that is hysterical!

Laura said...

I am soooooooo glad those days are over.
My daughter used to announce: "MOMMA! I've HAD enough!!" as if I was the one keeping her on the potty. My youngest flat out refused to "go" and would hold it for hours on end, rather then use a public stall.

Had a good laugh over this one. ;)

Mama Slinger said...

Hilarious! Kids are so oblivious to those embarrassing moments.

Anonymous said...

Going, Going, Gone !!

soozieq said...

"Bye Bye Poopy"

I'm going to say that the next time the Hubs walks out of the restroom after flushing the toilet.

Thanks Max!!

susie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I love it!!! at least he announces his own poopy needs in the restaurant. Liam calls out whenever Dan or I leave the table 'mommy/daddy has to POOP" regardless of whether or not that is the actual case.

kimmyk said...

Next time I think he needs to go potty with Lauren.

kittenpie said...

My sister ALWAYS used to go in restaurants. My parents swore she just wanted to check them out, because it never failed.

Charlotte in Pa said...

Clearly the kid is going to be a play-by-play announcer for ESPN... or at least the color commentator. Hysterical as usual!

Susie said...

Max the Toilet Terrorist

Oh, The Joys said...

I love the toilet terrorist comment. Indeed!

amelia said...

That was the best story I've heard all day! It feels great to laugh out loud!

nadia said...

hahahhahah oh my goodness, that's hilarious!!!!!!!!

walternatives said...

Too funny. Both father and son have a great delivery. Thanks for this post.

t_cole said...

most excellent story.
btw, tell your mother i love her. tried to post that on a few of your recent posts. she is awesome!

Stepping Over the Junk said...

HYSTERICAL!! Aren;t you glad you have this all "on record" because you have good blackmail material for maintaining curfew when he is older.

Jenn said...

I forwarded this article to a few friends who have little boys that aren't potty training yet.

There will be a jewel in your crown in heaven for that experience.

Jay said...

Hilarious. But did the boy wash his hands? Mine usually forget, even when I tell them right before they go.

Nadine said...

LMAO! That was too funny. We have a 15 month old, so you're giving me a peek in our futere.

Glad to have found your blog!

ewe are here said...

oh dear god...this is what i have to look forward to, i just know it!

digital kimchee said...

hilarious!

i can't wait until i have some of my own some day!

ger said...

That is hysterical! My 3 yo enjoys having loud conversations in public bathrooms too, but nothing quite as funny as that yet. I'm sure my day will come!

jaj said...

I am crying, I'm laughing so hard.

DadEO said...

This is funny, you guys should see this:

The Wikipoopia™ is finally here...

For all you devoted Parents out there that have encountered some strange yet identifiable diaper loads.
It's simple:

1) Give the poop a creative name
2) Describe how to recreate its distinct character
3) Submit it to the The Wikipoopia™ website and they'll reconstruct your disaster!


Here's the example: ¡The Cesar Chavez! > Pressed Grapes & Beef Broth
(when your child goes wild in some fruit; ...you'll know it when you see it)