Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Canada

A few weeks ago I was asked by Dove Soap to try out their new men's line of soaps and deodorant. They have some type of campaign going on over at their Facebook Page  they are trying to promote. At the time Dove asked I knew I was traveling to Toronto Canada for a week. Their offer of a free sample of their body wash, bar soap, antiperspirant deodorant and some scrubby thing in a travel bag was perfect timing. I would take it with me on my trip, use only their products and offer them an honest opinion. The best part about their product was the fact that it was all dye free, anti irritant, hypo allergenic, sensitive skin care type of stuff. If you are a regular reader of Poop and Boogies you know I have allergy issues.

I was excited to go to Canada. When I travel I like to experience the place, the people and the food. I like to try the small places and get a feel of the  city. I love to try all of the local cuisine. My understanding of Canadian foods, especially Toronto, was they were known for their beers, whiskeys, wings, sausages and of course Canadian Bacon. Toronto was going to be my food heaven.

I flew into Toronto last Monday. I checked into the hotel and unloaded my toiletry pack of all the new Dove Products. I planned to start my trial on Tuesday. We ate on the go and dinner consisted of some type of flat bread pizza and a couple of micro brew beers. After a long day of travel, work, and running around I went to bed around 9:30 PM. I woke up at 1:00 AM covered in hives. And then again at 2:00 AM  and then at 3:00 AM, 4:00 AM and finally got out of bed at 5. I assumed I was having a reaction to either something I ate or the hotel sheets. I was praying it was the sheets. I had yet to use the new soaps but now I was worried that my current state of hives would somehow be affected by the new products.  I used them any way.

After a long shower my hives went away. I used the body wash, it got me clean. There was only a hint of fragrance which I was indifferent to at the time. I used the Dove deodorant which was taking a risk.  I was going to be working a trade show and I needed to make sure I was not going to get sweaty pits. I really liked the deodorant. I ate a big breakfast of eggs, toast, sausage and bacon. I thought I was getting Canadian Bacon but it was just regular bacon. If you are in Canada and you order bacon shouldn't you get the Canadian stuff? If you are in China do you order Chinese food or do you just order food?

The Dove deodorant claims it can last up to 48 hours. I have to tell you this stuff was working overtime. At some point during the afternoon I was stricken with some type of flu. I felt like I was hit by a bus, I was sweating and I had the chills, but no sweaty pits. I was hoping it was not a reaction to something I ate. I left the trade show early heading straight for the hotel. I stopped by the front desk and requested hypo-allergenic sheets. They told me it would take a few hours. I requested them for the next day. I went to bed without eating lunch or dinner. I was sad I did not get to have more a Canadian experience.

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I woke up at 1 AM and again at 2, 3 and 4 AM with slight fever and covered with hives. I knew it was the sheets causing the hives. I took another shower using the Dove body wash and felt so much better. I still felt like crap but much better than the day before. I ate a small breakfast with out any Canadian fare just in case I was going to be sick. I worked the trade show again without sweaty pits thanks to the Dove antiperspirant. I started to feel better by the late afternoon and was back to normal by Wednesday night. That night I was so hungry from not eating the day before I pigged out on wings and a burger, you know, comfort food.  I did not have beer or whiskey or any other Canadian food. Another day without experiencing Canadian culture.  When I got back to the hotel, they informed me I had allergy free sheets.

Thursday was uneventful except that we heard  rumours (that's how they say it in Canada with the "ou") there was a work slow down at the Toronto airport. Whenever I need to confirm rumors I always go to Twitter. Twitter told me there was a work slow down. Toronto's airport security was taking out their gripes on international travelers by making them miss their flights. It wasn't a strike but the security was working at slower than half speed. They were calling it a "work to rule" strike. I worked late and settled for a light non-Canadian dinner. We finished the trade show at 10PM and decided to get to the airport by 3:30AM to catch our 6:30 flight. Another day without experiencing Canadian grub, drink, people or culture.

I woke up with no hives, no fever and feeling pretty good for 2AM. I showered and used all the Dove products again. I noticed the scent of the body wash seemed more pronounced. My head or sinuses must have been clearing up. I liked the scent, it was nice, subtle. My colleagues and I were in the first 10 to 20 people in line at the airport. We went through ticketing and customs without a hitch. When we approached security we could tell they were planning a second day of slow down. It was almost comical how slow they were moving. They looked like they were in slow motion.

I handed my passport and boarding pass to the point security guard and she chuckled. "We have a Four S." she said.

"What is a a four S?" I asked.

"Secondary screening." she replied.

The Toronto airport security took on an almost Keystone Cops appearance. Everyone of them pointing me to another agent who was supposed to handle the Four S people. I was told that normally a Four S would have to go into the X-ray Scanner thing but there was no one there authorized to work the scanner. The rules stated that without the scanner I would have to wait or undergo a thorough pat down. I did not want to miss my flight. I started to sweat. I was thankful for the antiperspirant.

I opted for the pat down. I stood facing a wall as the security guard in the slowest possible way started a full body pat down. He rubbed my neck and collar. He slowly checked my arms. He slowly felt under my arms, my sides, my back. He was moving so slow that I started to get nervous. He inserted his fingers into my waste band and slowly moved them around. He slid his hands down my left leg, then my right. He fondled my pockets lingering just a little bit too long on my butt. Just when I thought he was finished, he asked me to face him so he could do the other side.

I went through the process again. It was beyond ridiculous. I was having a Canadian experience that I would not forget for a long time. At one point as the security agent was feeling my chest I swear he took a deep inhale as if he was admiring the scent of the body wash. Thanks Dove for making a product that airport security appreciates. His pat down was either slow and steady because of a "work to rule" strike or because your product makes me irresistible.

13 comments:

Redhead Mommy said...

My mom always had allergies to soaps and we grew up using Dove. As an adult, I find my skin growing more and more sensitive to perfumes in products. Bath and Body works products are out of the question for me unless I want to spend the entire day itching. White Dove soap is the only thing I can use without itching now.

A little known fact: Dove bar soap is a great stain-treatment. Really good for greasy food stains, good to get blood out (boys!), and grass stains too.

Anonymous said...

I cant wait to go home and play airport security with my wife.

The slow kind

Anonymous said...

Any chance this song was playing in the background at the airport?



William's loving is so powerful, huh
It's simply unavoidable
The trend is irreversible
William is invincible

He's a natural law, and he leaves me in awe
He deserves the applause, I surrender because
He used to look good to me, but now I find him

Simply irresistible

I hope that TSA agent eventually calls you

Anonymous said...

http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/10/07/the-princess-bride-cast-reunites/

I think Fezzik used Dove body wash

3jaysmom said...

Dove unscented white anything is all I can use, and have been able to use for years. Two of my kids have the same affliction. Like "Redhead Mommy", Bath and Body Works is a huge no-no for me. I itch just walking by the store.

Tide is the biggest offender of detergents. Doesnt matter if its the sheets, clothes, towels... I suffer horribly from Tide. One of my sons wore a friends sweatshirt one day, over a t-shirt- and his lower arms and neck all broke out in hives. First thing I did was ask what detergent the friend uses... Tide, of course!

I feel your pain... but I'm glad your Dove test was positive and I'm thrilled to know they have hyper-allergenic sheets at hotels! I never would have thought of that.

Melissa said...

Bill and Airport Security sitting in a tree...

you have the greatest (?!?!?!?) experiences!

eclectic said...

You know what would have been awesome? If you'd still had hives, really lumpy ones, under your shirt when he was patting you down. Heh.

Effie said...

FYI--in Canada, if you want "Canadian Bacon" ask for peameal bacon or back-bacon. If you ask for bacon, you'll just get regular bacon.

And eclectic just made me laugh out loud.

Too bad you didn't get to experience Canadian-ness while you were here. It would have been good if you could have watched a CFL football game--there's one tonight that my husband is going to see...that would have been very Canadian, sitting there with a "real" beer in hand, eating peameal bacon on a bun, smelling like manly Dove soap... ;)

dbs said...

This went in so many unpredictable directions I have only one thing to say: I loved it.

Matt said...

That's a brilliant post, really enjoyed it and it made me chuckle!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Blame Canada.

Ann said...

Is "waste band" a polite euphemism for, um, your bum hole? ;)

jcbrown208 said...

I thought this was hilarious. Airport security always checked me out with either a pat down or x-ray every since they started doing security checks. I never understood why. Now that I have a hip replacement, carry the appropriate documentation, I still get the x-ray. I don't know why a 60-year-old grandmother would interest them as a security risk even though I now understand why they want to make sure I was really carrying a replacement hip and not an flame thower in my pants! Although sometimes my husband accuses me of being a bit windy.