Saturday, May 30, 2009

Cooking with Poop and Boogies

I enjoy cooking. Most weekends I cook dinner for the family and I usually like to experiment with different ingredients. I will get an idea for some type of meal and I normally do not look up recipes. I try to wing it. Two weeks ago I tried to make fried avocados and I thought I would share my experience.

Fry some ground spicy sausage in a pan, as it browns chop it to make it into small crumbles.

Dice one mango, one red pepper, half an onion and a few slices of cucumber. Mix it all together throwing in a pinch of orange zest and a splash of lemon juice. You want the consistency to be that of a thick salsa. Mix in the ground Sausage.

Slice avocados from top to bottom and remove pit. Use a spoon to make the divot left by the pit a little bigger on each half of the avocado (this is where the salsa/sausage goes after it is fried). Use a spoon to scoop the meat of the avocado from the skin making sure to leave most of the avocado intact.

Mix one raw egg with a little bit of milk in a bowl. In another bowl combine a dash of cumin, cayenne pepper, and garlic salt to some breadcrumbs.

Heat some oil in a frying pan.

Dip and roll the avocado halves into the egg and then into the bread crumbs and make sure it is evenly covered.

Out of the corner of your eye, through the kitchen window, watch your five year old fall from the monkey bars. Out of the corner of your ear, hear your wife yell for you to come out to the back yard. And hurry. Wash the raw egg off your hands, turn off oil on stove and run out back. Listen to the five-year-old scream. Debate whether child is actually injured or just faking it because he heard you were having fried avocados for dinner.

Have wife tell you she heard something break. Tell five-year-old to "shake it off". Have wife tell you again she thinks something broke.

Take your five-year-old to local emergency room and be told they have to transfer him to another facility. Run home a few hours later to check on other kids and to get stuff for an overnight stay. See the ingredients to the fried avocado sitting on counter, in raw egg, for the past few hours and dump them all in the garbage.

If you follow the last part of the recipe it should end up looking like this.

21 comments:

C. said...

Poor Max! That's a good break.

Michelle said...

That's a nasty break! 2 weeks are done already! Hope you guys are all surviving!

RzDrms said...

Aw, Maximillian (my fake name for him): feel well soon. And then eat sausage (ie, dead animal carcass) fried up in sum raw egg...YUM! ;)

Melinda said...

Mr Poop, I don't like this recipe.

I hope you are still feeling bad after telling him to walk it off!
Hope he is settling into a routine of sorts with that darn spica cast.
I like the superhero red colour!

Melissa said...

i was turning up my nose at that avocados (nope, do not like them)...and now my entire body is wracked in pain...ouch ouch ouch

well...Max, if you are going to break a bone...you may as well leave no doubt that it is broken!

hope everything is healing well.

kcinnova said...

Fried avocados don't sound bad enough to make me break my arm.
Poor Max. :*(

Cole said...

That probably smarted for Max, he had to run to the docs, and now a few more weeks in a cast. Still better than eating those fried avocados.

eclectic said...

Ugh. There's a picture no one wants, but everyone will be fascinated by, in the scrapbook.

Sorta like the recipe. No one wants it, but... Anyway. How was the hospital food? Probably would have been better off with the fried avos.

Sheri said...

Oh my. I was getting hungry for fried avocados. Not so much now. Poor little guy! Hope he's better!

Bogart in P Towne said...

If he rubbed some dirt on it and used a popsicle stick or two, the avocados would have been great!

Otter Thomas said...

Ouch! I hope he heals up fast. As far as cooking goes you sound like me. I get ideas that I want to try but I never use a recipe either.

BKP said...

ok I am a somewhat new, somewhat infrequent reader and I love your humor and am not certain if the recipe was serious... or if you were trying to see who of your readers would actually ask for the recipe. Because I love everything so far that you had put in the recipe and am so curious as I can't imagine avocados in this way. So... humor me and tell me, am I really this gullible or is this really a possible meal?

Aria said...

Weren't you just supposed to rub some Robitussin on it? Is this the only time a Dad could say, "oh SNAP" and have it not sound gay? Hope the boy is better soon... you know it'll be the avacados' fault. They were against him from the start. Recommend switching to fried eggplant, they're mellower and less combative.

Paige at MommyCast.com said...

Aw! Poor Max! and wow, props to the kid for having the courage to take one for the team on that dinner. The brothers are going to owe him a broken limb somewhere down the line when you try to make a birthday cake with eggplant cream cheese frosting. What a brave little dude.

kalki said...

I was totally into this, planning to try it for dinner tonight. Now, not so much. I don't have a kid, but we do have a playset in our yard. You never know what might happen once the avocados get dipped in egg....

Circus Kelli said...

Good Lord.How scary for all of you. Never a dull moment in the Parent 'Hood, huh? :)

Amy Genn said...

So, basically, 2009 is "The Year of Broken Bones" in your family, eh?

Anonymous said...

Leggo my Eggo

Merrily Down the Stream said...

OUCH! Don't ever make that recipe again!

creative breathing said...

Holy Molanoly! Another kid at the hospital! That swing set has got to go! Your wife popped by the other night, I was so excited to meet Mrs. William. Thank you for your comment. It means so much because I so enjoy writing. E

Roger Hutchison said...

And I was having second thoughts about the labor and expense of building an enclosure around our playset and filling it with 9" to 12" of woodchips.

Thanks for validating my investment. ;)