Wednesday, January 26, 2011


30 years from now someone is going o look on the Internet, in their brain, to see who was the number 1 best selling author of this week of 2011. They will punch in their search terms into the search engine Poop and Google and find that Brad Meltzer's book, The Inner Circle, will be listed # 1 on the New York Times best sellers list for the weeks of Jan 30th 2011.

That person doing the search will be looking for history. History is what Brad's new book is all about. The history of President George Washington's secret spy ring which was called the Culper Ring. That person doing the search 30 years from now will discover that President Obama's Culper Ring delayed President Obama in his giving the State of the Union Address until about 9:15 ish because Brad Meltzer was signing books at the Philadelphia Free Public Library. Obama's people at that time knew it was due to the fact that William from Poop and Boogies gave The inner Circle a great review just a week or so earlier which would catapult Brad Meltzer's book to hit #1 on the New York Times best sellers list that week that he should delay his speech just a few minutes. Obama wanted me to hear his speech so that maybe Poop and Boogies would write a review about the State of the Union address.


I went to the Philadelphia Library last night to stalk Brad Meltzer. He spoke for almost an hour about the book, some of his comic book writings and his show Decoded. Decoded is a show about decoding secret societies and government secrets. Brad is a very funny speaker. The event felt like a comedy routine about nerdy stuff like comic books and secret societies. I even had a chance to talk to Brad and he told me he enjoys my blog which is always nice to hear.

When I got home my wife asked me if I had a good time. I told her I had a blast. Not only was Brad funny but I got to people watch as well.

I said, "You know when a guy who writes comics, writes novels about Masons and secret codes and he has a show about decoding possible hidden societies in the government, makes an appearance, the freaks are going to come out of the wood work. And they did."

Lauren replied, "You know you're one of them. And I am sure those people are saying the same thing about you."

Monday, January 24, 2011


"Hi. I was going to use the left over turkey breast to make a pot pie for dinner. But I still need something to feed the kids since they won't touch pot pie. Can you pick up a pizza on the way home?"


"Great. I am going to go to the gym when you get home. You can feed the kids and then we can eat together when I get back."

"Okay. See you then."

Would you interpret this that there will be pot pie when you get home? What if pot pie is like your favorite meal ever? Wouldn't you get home and expect there to be a freshly baked turkey pot pie?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I lifted my head off the floor of the car. I could not remember how I ended up laying on the floor in the back seat. My head was buzzing and my ears were muffled. No. My head was muffled and my ears were buzzing. I could hear crying and yelling. I smelled steaming antifreeze. I looked out the backseat window and saw my brother John limping around a driveway. He was holding his elbow. Whose driveway was that?(1.) Where were we?

I followed the sound of the crying. My sister was sitting on the curb. There was a crowd of people around her. She was leaning over, her head between her knees. She was spitting blood. She was spitting out teeth. Oh right. My sister was taking me, John and Bob out for ice cream. She wanted to drive by some guy’s house first. We made a u-turn, were in a car accident. Wait. Bob was with us. Where is Bob? I don’t see him. Did he die? (2.) He must have died if I can’t see him. If Bob is dead we are going to get grounded.

I lifted my head off the dark blue vinyl seats of the car. I could not remember how I ended up laying down in the back seat of a police car. I reached my hand up to my forehead to see if I could discover the source of the pain I was feeling. I felt bits of broken glass littering my hair. An officer asked me to look into his flashlight. I did. There was no light. He smacked the side of the flashlight, still no light. He borrowed another officer’s flashlight. That also did not work. They both needed batteries. One of the officers took out a first aid kit. He blew dust off the top, cleared cobwebs away from the latches. As he fumbled to open it I looked out the window through the metal cage separating the front and back seats. I saw the car we were in smashed against a telephone pole. I still could not see Bob. I could still see John and I could still see my sister. There was a hole in her chin. (3.) She was still spitting blood and teeth. A paramedic was with her. The officer told me not to look at her. I wonder if they are arresting me. If they do I am going to get grounded. The flashing red lights of the approaching ambulance blinded me. I closed my eyes.

I lifted my head off the tan vinyl bench-seat in the back of the ambulance. I could not move my arms or legs. They were encased in inflatable casts. My sister was laying down in the gurney with bloody towels covering her face. Where was John, in another ambulance? Maybe. The medic asked me questions about my sister since she could not speak. What was her name? Sharon. How old was she? 17. What was her date of birth? I don’t know. You don’t know your sisters birthday? No. Why not? I just don’t. How old are you? 12. When is your date of birth? March 9th. March 9th of what year? Not mine, hers. Her birthday is March 9th. Of what year? I don’t know. She is 17. Do the math. Try to stay awake you may have a concussion? I want to take a nap now. We think you may be in shock. Please don’t shock me.

I opened my eyes when the cold wind hit me in the face. They were wheeling me into the hospital. I could taste blood in my mouth. My mom stood out front of the ER doors. She was crying but smiling. How did she beat us to the hospital? Why was she crying? (4.) I think we may be in trouble. I hope we don’t get grounded. I tell the doctor my chest hurts and he tries to unzip my Oakland Raiders sweatshirt but the zipper is broken. He cuts my favorite sweatshirt off with a large pair of scissors. I am definitely going to get grounded. (5.) Using a pair of tweezers a nurse picks specks of glass out of my scalp. She washes my hair and I watch white suds turned pink by blood wash down the drain. I start to cry. She tells me everyone is okay.

That night my mom wakes me every two hours, per the doctor’s instructions, to ask me questions to test my mental state. Some questions are easy like my name and birthday. Some questions are more difficult. What is your grandmother’s first name? I don’t know. I don’t call her by her first name. What is the phone number of 125 Primrose? It takes me a minute but I get it. My mom then asks me to tell her how old she is. I am so going to get grounded.

(1.) John was sitting in the front passenger seat. His elbow went through the glove box. He had to tear it out of the dash board to get out of the car to go get help. He knocked on the door of the first house he came to. “We need help!” he said to old man who answered the door. The old man replied, “I am sorry I cannot help you. I am blind.” John went to the next house for help. John ended up with 60 plus stitches in his elbow.
(2.) Bob was sitting in the back passenger side. He saw we were about to crash and braced for impact. He sprained both his ankles and I think he had stress fractures in both shins. When he got out of the car with John, he could not walk and fell to the ground. He was lying below my line of vision.
(3.) My sister’s chin hit the steering wheel, her head hit the windshield. She opened her face from below her lip all the way through to her tongue. I think she lost all of her bottom teeth. She had to have numerous operations and plastic surgery.
(4.) We only lived a mile from the ER. Someone called my mom to tell her we were on the way. She beat us there and waited by the entrance for the ambulances to arrive. When they pulled Bob out of the ambulance on the gurney the wind caught the blanket that was on top of Bob and it blew up and covered his face. My mom only saw them wheeling in a covered body and thought that Bob was dead. She started to cry. Bob then said hello from under the blanket. I was wheeled in right after that.
(5.) I was sitting in the back driver side. When we made impact my chest smashed into the back of her seat and I flew over my sister’s head I hit the windshield. I had bruised ribs, minors cuts in my mouth and on my head and I had a concussion. The car accident happened 28 years ago this week.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Frost Bits

"Touch it." I said.

"I am not touching that." Lauren said. She knows my tricks and she thought I was trying to, well, get her to touch it. The last time she fell for this trick we ended up with our third boy. And now, after having three boys there is not much time or desire to be touching anything.

"Seriously Lauren, I am not trying any games I need you to touch it. I think it is has frostbite."

Lauren looked down. I was stretching my waistband out so she could get a better look.

"Oh my God!" She said startled. "It is bright red. Are you okay?"

I winced. I was not okay. I was in serious pain. I looked down. I was shocked of how much of it was shrinking up into my belly. Everything they say about shrinkage is true. I reached my hand down and tried to make sure everything was intact. As soon as my fingers touched the tip, the fire helmet, I could feel it all burn. My lower abdomen ached, as did my groin.

"What happened?" Lauren asked.

"I think my pecker is frozen."

I explained how I decided to go for a long run, after all it was early Saturday morning and the sun was coming up. Part of the Half-marathon training program I am trying is to do one long run a week. This was my first true long run. I always wear spandex-moisture wicking pants under a loose fitting, breathable, mesh sweatpants. The rest of my running outfit is various layers depending on the temperature. It was in the low to mid twenties so I bundled up on top wearing new tight fitting vest and running shirts as opposed to the multi-layers of long t-shirts I usually wear.

When I run, I just run away from my house until I feel the need to turn around and head home. I set out that morning intending to do a 6 to 7 mile run. Somewhere around mile 3 and a half, 30 minutes into my run, I could feel my thighs start to numb and a pain throb in my groin. I started heading home, going back the 3 or so miles. I was running into the wind. A cold cold wind.

Somewhere around mile 5 I could tell I was in trouble. Things started to burn and then go numb. I only had two more miles to go. I figured I could just tough it out. The rest of my body was warm and I worked up a really good sweat. Normally when I run my X-tra large T-shirts and other layers would kind of cover the area below my waist. I was not wearing X-tra large shirts. The moisture wicking spandex was taking the moisture away from my body to be frozen by the cold wind blowing through the mesh work-out pants I was wearing. I was freeze drying my bits. And quite frankly after I inspected the area, it, they, had the appearance of freeze dried fruit. The icy feeling put the "icle" in the, you know, "test".

"I gotta go take a shower." I said to Lauren and I hobbled up the steps.

I took off my pants and was amazed and slightly horrified purplish-red color of my upper thighs. From my waist line to my knees was the color of an overcooked ham. Did you ever spend a few hours in the snow making snowmen and snow balls (pun totally intended) and once you go inside your hands start to burn from the temperature change? That is how the shower felt. It burned.

I waited in the hot water for every thing to descend from their un-descended positions. I waited for the red color to soften to a dull pink. Eventually the burning stopped but I could tell there was a slight lack of sensation. There was also a steady ache from the inside of the, well, just the inside of it all.

I have a pain medication that I take on an as needed basis for herniated disks in my neck. Part of the medication has an anti anxiety element to it. When my herniated disks flare up some of the symptoms are similar to that of having a heart attack. The anti-anxiety meds help relieve the panic stricken, chest tightness stress I may feel during the flare up. I did a quick Google search on Frost Bite and after looking at a few pictures of blackened gangrene-semi amputated digits I decided that I should take one of my pain pills.

By the end of the day, when the effects of the medicine wore off, everything seemed to be fine. Later that night Lauren asked me how I felt. She joked that she was going to sew me a fleece or flannel codpiece.

"It seems to be fine." I said. "It stills aches a bit, but otherwise I think it is okay."

"That's good." She said.

"Although maybe we should make sure it is in entirely in working order." I smiled raising my eyebrows.

"Oh. And how should you do that?" She said rolling her eyes.

"Well I have an idea."

She did not fall for any of my tricks.

The next day I asked Lauren if she thought I should blog about my fozen bits.

"Why would you even hesitate? Of course you should." Was her reply.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Hopeful Forecast

For the past two years I have written a post at the beginning of the year listing all the things I wanted to write about that upcoming year. I treated the posts as preview/teaser as well as a hopeful forecast or wishes. I had no idea at the time when I wrote those posts that some of those wishes or positive thoughts would actually come true, like losing 20 lbs, or going to Blogher. Now I also know and understand that some of the predictions did not come to fruition (like the Bigfoot sighting or appearing on SNL) but I like the vibe and outcome of my previous “looking ahead” posts.

My hopeful forecast for Poop and Boogies for the year 2011 should include posts and stories about, making an appearance on SNL, winning the lottery, seeing Bigfoot, winning a free trip for the whole family to Disney World, getting a new dog and taking the kids to New York. I hope in 2011 I will be able to write posts about the time I was in a car accident with my sister, how Max’s Little League team was the best team in the division, how I was a substitute Sunday school teacher, Wyatt starting kindergarten, Lauren selling her paintings and getting a gallery appearance and maybe a post or two about Jackson’s ability to make me laugh.

I want to write about Max’s piano lessons, how I lost another 10 maybe 15 pounds, Wyatt learning to ride a bike, Jackson at the beach, meeting one or two of the Phillies, going to some of the Phillies game, hell even how the Phillies, don’t cock it up this year and win the world series in 2011. I hope Poop and Boogies will include stories about some of my nightclub adventures, working with advertisers on the website, my tattoo, taking my wife away for a weekend (without the kids), making more revenue form a hobby I really enjoy, how I ran three 5k races and a half Marathon, more theater stories, my mid-life crisis, a post or two about publishing a book, or a post or two about publishing a children’s book, a post about meeting some of my blogging friends or even just making new friends.

I hope to post pictures of household renovations that I have done (or more likely that Lauren has done), I hope to do a few more contests and give-aways and maybe get a long term sponsor.

I hope I can write about my family being happy and full of joy.

I hope 2011 brings me more readers to this site. And that those new readers as well as the people who have been coming here for years will enjoy this site and stories as much as I do in creating it.

According to Chris at Rude Cactus, today is the official-unofficial blogging De-lurking day, please leave a comment and let me know what you would like to see from Poop and Boogies this year.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


My wife is pretty creative, crafty, artsy and handy. I thinks she finds calm and a bit of peace in creating works of art out of the chaos that is living with me and three boys. Every now and then she needs some peace and maybe some quiet.

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Miyagi, my friend and Max's Godfather, took the boys bowling and left his daughter Ruby with Lauren so they could have girl time. I think Lauren was a little worried about what she was going to do with a little girl around. She was excited when Ruby wanted to make a monster shirt. Lauren knows a lot about monsters.
Ruby drew a picture of the monster that she wanted. Lauren and her set about recreating the drawing out of fabric.

Ruby was delighted with the outcome and I think Lauren enjoyed the time they had together.

Through the hectic pace of the holidays and getting the kids back to school and their normal routine, Lauren decided she needed to get creative again for Jackson's 2nd Birthday. Again she turned to monsters.

Jackson's Elmo cake was made out of cupcakes. Lauren described it as a "pull-away"cake.

I think I know where she gets some of her inspiration. She has to take partial credit for creating the little monsters that her boys are.

Friday, January 07, 2011

The Inner Circle

The Culper Ring was a secret spy ring, made up of civilians, used by General George Washington during the Revolutionary War. The Culper Ring's purpose was to provide information to the General and eventually the President without any bias or predisposition to the actual information. So secret was the Culper Ring that even Washington himself did not know who were some of the members.

Brad Meltzer has a new book that comes out on 1/11/11 called The Inner Circle. The story is about a modern day Culper Ring although the story and characters are fictional. Meltzer always grounds his characters and stories in some basis of truth which makes his work of fiction almost seem real.

Beecher, the main character, works in the National Archives and stumbles, either by accident or by design (which I still have not figured out) onto a secret communications ring which centers around the President of the United States. The secret spy ring discovers that Beecher has discovered them and now nobody is safe. Beecher has been recently re-acquainted with Clementine, his old child hood crush, who has some secrets herself.

Beecher and Clementine have to put together coded communications left in mysterious locations in an effort to protect themselves from an unknown enemy. At one point they have to seek assistance from Nico Hadrian, a mental patient and would be Presidential assassin (a character from previous Meltzer novel The Book of Fate) whose beliefs are entrenched in secret societies.

I have read every Brad Meltzer book. I watch his show Decoded on the History Channel. I would have to say that Inner Circle is my favorite work of his so far. In all of Meltzer's other books or shows there is always a moment that I say to myself ,"Oh, right, that could never happen." and it takes me out of the action or pacing of the story. Not once in The Inner Circle did I feel that way.

It is a great story, with great, believable characters based in historical locations with historical documents. It blends truth, secret coded messages and fiction. What else could you ask for?

Brad Meltzer apparently was an intern on Capitol Hill-Senate Judiciary Committee- in Washington DC in the early 90's .

Brad Meltzer, apparently, co-wrote the Ameri-Corps Oath, that has been delivered by Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.

Brad Meltzer, apparently interviewed former Presidents George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton as research for a couple of his novels.

Brad Meltzer apparently is now friendly with the former Presidents.

In 2006, Brad Meltzer participated in a group think tank, along with the CIA, FBI, various psychologists, and Department of Homeland Security intelligence staff to brainstorm new ways that terrorists might attack the U.S.

Brad Meltzer, could very well be a part of a current Culper Ring.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Jackson Turns 2

Two years ago, my wife woke me up with the words, "Bill, I either just peed my pants or my water just broke."

14 hours or so later this little cute guy was born.

Except he was not as cute then as he is now.
And he was not as much trouble then as he is now. That is a 32 ounces of shredded cheese he dumped on the family room floor.

And he was not as silly then as he is now.

Or as loveable or as cuddly or as smart or as awesome or as, well, you get the picture.

Happy Birthday Jackson.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Anybody Want A Peanut?

My mom hosts a Christmas Eve gathering/open house at her place for a gift exchange between the various aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, Godparents and Godchildren. This past Christmas the party started at 1pm. Right before we were leaving the mailman dropped off a package addressed to me. I quickly opened it to find an advanced copy of Brad Meltzer's latest book The Inner Circle (which does not hit book stores until 1-11-11). I was quite excited since Brad Meltzer is my secret man crush author.

I took this picture in front of my Abe Lincoln portrait because The Inner Circle is about the (fictional) U.S. President's secret Inner Circle (not Abe's inner circle but you know he was a president so I figured it made sense). I also tried to get the "Bra Melt" part of Brad Meltzer's name. I plan to write a review of Brad's book later this week. Let me just tell you, so far, awesome.

While at my mom's house my Goddaughter Allyson, my brother Anonymous'/Kevin's daughter, gave me what I consider to be one of my favorite Christmas gifts ever.

That's right, she gave me a Westley and a Fezzik doll from the movie the Princess Bride. If you squeeze their bellies they say lines from the movie including "Anybody want a peanut?". I didn't know these dolls existed. I was even more excited about getting the dolls than the book.

My wife, Lauren, on the other hand is slightly disappointed. She is upset that I was more excited about the book and the dolls than I was for any of the gifts she gave to me. I think it may also have to do with the fact that every night since Christmas Eve Westley, Fezzik and Brad Meltzer's book have been in our bed.