Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Young Jedi

Mom mom recently bought the older boys some toys. Little did she know that the boys would love them so much that they would need to sleep with their new toys. The new toys were not stuffed. They were not animals. They were blue light-up noise making double sided light sabers.
I no longer hear the soft gentle snores of the boys in the middle of the night. Now I hear the "vroooooosh-Vreeeeeoom-CRESH." of the light sabers.

Monday, September 27, 2010


Jackson, while playing with the cordless phone, dialed 911. I have no idea how long he was on the phone with the 911 operator. The call took place right after bath time. Lauren and I were busy drying off the kids and dressing them in their pajamas. Besides Jackson's incomprehensible 20 month old babbling I am sure the 911 operator heard all kinds of talk from the boys about heinies, tushies and bu-utts (pronounced with two syllables as in "Max, see my bu-utt." ((one syllable for each cheek waved in front of his face)).

We are thankful that the officer dispatched is one of our neighbors who knows us.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Deja Vu

Jackson was wearing some Batman jammies hand-me-downs. As he ran through our kitchen I had flashbacks to Max doing the same thing. I thought about it a bit and realized that I posted an image of Maxfield on this blog back in 2005 .

I emailed the 1st pitcure to Lauren and her response was "Oh my. It is a blue eyed Jackson."

This is one of the very reasons that I love that I started this blog.

Friday, September 17, 2010


This past May, the 17th of May actually, I started an effort to exercise and lose weight. When I started exactly 4 months ago, I weighed 217 lbs. This morning my weight was 189 lbs. I have been hovering abound the 190 mark for the past three weeks. I still count my caloric intake. I still run 5 days a week. But I have not lost any more weight. I have plateaued. I have hit a wall.

Over the course of the past four months anytime I felt a lack of motivation or uninspired something small would set off a spark to keep me going. Whether is was a reading Black Hockey Jesus' monthly running updates or discovering new music by one of my favorite local bands Find Vienna *or finding a new route to take, something would motivate me to get out the door the next morning.

Lately I have been uninspired. Maybe it is the change of weather. Or maybe it is due to the fact that it is pitch black out at 5AM when I do my runs. Or maybe it is due to the fact that I have plateaued and there are no signs of progress.

I switched my exercise routine from P90x to just running for many various reasons. One of those reasons is that Lauren, my wife, one of my biggest inspirations also runs. I was hoping I would be able to train to get to her pace and that eventually we could run together. It would be something we could do as a couple. Having her as a partner would keep me motivated. But with three young boys in the house doing it together is not an option. There is not enough time in the day for Lauren and I to do it together. I would love to be able to get all hot and sweaty and out of breath with Lauren, but well hiring a babysitter so we could do just that would be kind of weird. Yes I am talking about running. So I am stuck doing it by myself, which is getting kind of boring. (this would be a bad spot to say that occsionally my brother Jim has joined me). I am still talking about running.

Lauren has been training all summer for a half marathon that takes place this Sunday. I plan to go down town and watch her race. I am excited and nervous for her. I also know that when I watch her cross the finish line I will be inspired to run again. She has that affect on me.

*I discovered Find Vienna last year at a first Friday event in our small town. They were playing outside of the music shop. I loved the fact that they were performing their own music and that they were really good. I have been keeping an eye and ear on them ever since. They are really good and I think they are going to have a great future. If you like Maroon 5 or The Script you will like Find Vienna.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


"Is Wyatt okay?" I asked Lauren as she climbed back into bed.

"Yes. He just wanted to cuddle for a bit. He wanted to come into bed with us but I told him I would lay with him in his bed for a few minutes."

"Oh. good." I turned out my bedside light.

"Did you ever notice all the dried boogers on the wall next to his bed?" Lauren asked.

"Ew. No. That's kind of gross."

"Yes it is."

"Well the good thing is, at least he is not eating them."

"Yes. You're right."

"Good night Lauren."

"Good night Bill."

Lauren turned out her light.

"Bill," Lauren said breaking the quiet, "That is not comforting. Did you ever notice how there are no dried boogers on the wall next to Max's bed?"

Thursday, September 09, 2010

A Stripper Taught Me How to Do Laundry

My mom never taught me how to do laundry. She did most of it and when I was old enough to do my own I just winged it. I moved out of my parent's house when I was 19 and most of my laundering was done at the Laundromat or some other coin operated machine in various basements of the various apartments I rented. I was working as a life insurance underwriter so I took most of my dress shirts and dress pants to the dry cleaner, which was the only other true expense I had at the time; rent, food, beer and dry cleaning were my bills. I got by.

I started working in a nightclub when I was 24. The after hours club where I worked downtown was located right next door the city's premiere gentleman's club (AKA a nudey bar or strip joint). I worked 5 nights a week during hours of operation and 2 days a week dealing with vendors, promotions and book keeping. One of the managing owners of the strip joint also was a partner at the place I worked. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between the two places to borrow supplies, make change, persuade VIP customers to visit my club and report numbers.

One day around 2 in the afternoon I had to run next door to see my boss. I entered the darkened black light lit gentleman's club from the bright sunny outdoors. I waited a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and my ears to adjust to the too much bass mixed Guns N Roses Paradise City. Once I could make out faces I nodded a hello to the doorman and I waved to the barmaid. A dancer, named Mercedes or Porsche or some other type of fancy car name, sitting by herself at the bar pointed at my shirt and started laughing. She directed the barmaid's attention to my shirt and she too started laughing.

I looked at my shirt and I could see big purplish fluorescent splotches spattered all down the front. I walked towards the bar and I asked the barmaid what was so funny. She told me my shirt looked like it was, well, what she said was not very nice but it involved body fluids. The dancer then asked me if I did my own laundry. I found the question to be odd but I answered yes. She then asked me how I did my laundry. I told her that I put all my clothes in the washer, pour the liquid detergent over the top of the clothes and then I turn on the washer.

The dancer took a drag from her cigarette, as she exhaled up into the air she said, "That's the problem right there." She then explained to me that the by pouring the liquid detergent over top of dry clothes was causing it to "stick" to my shirt. The soap was not dissolving completely in the load of laundry. Liquid laundry detergent has fluorescent qualities that make it glow in the presences of black lights. Mercedes, or Porsche or Miata, then told me that I should put the detergent into the washing machine first, then turn it on and let it fill halfway before I put my clothes in. The soap would have a chance to dissolve and not stick to any one article of clothing. I would also get a cleaner load of laundry overall.

The front door to the club opened, silhouettes of a three male patrons appeared in the door way, back lit by the bright sun. The door closed and three men paused waiting for their eyes to adjust. Darkness enveloped them except for the bright white fluorescent splotches scattered across their clothes.

I am sure most strippers have all kinds of cleaning tips.

Thursday, September 02, 2010


Last month I attended the BlogHer Voices of the Year Gala and Art show that was held one night of the BlogHer conference. The art work (a photo by Karen Walrond also known as Chookooloonks ) that was paired with my writing is here and up for auction here.

While I was at the conference I walked the expo floor, checking out all the various vendors who were there in an effort to pitch their products to bloggers. There is some debate throughout the blogosphere regarding bloggers and companies working together in an advertising/reviewer type of capacity, pay vs. no pay, adv-itorial vs. actual review, good pitches vs. bad pitches. It gets so screwy that the FCC is involved.

All of the companies that had booths at BlogHer, as far as I see, support the medium of blogging. They paid for their booth space, which in turns supports BlogHer, which in turn supports the individual blogger. In an effort to show my good faith to those companies that support the medium of blogging I decided to review a couple of the items I received while at the conference.
I have not been compensated financially in any way. I just feel compelled to support those that try to support bloggers.

Playskool and their PR people did an excellent job of showcasing their PlayDoh, Mr. Potato and Tonka lines but the coolest thing I saw at their booth was their line of Weebles. I loved Weebles when I was a kid and I totally forgot how fun they can be until I saw them at the conference. I told the Playskool people that my son, Maxfield, had just built a "weeble" using PVC piping and weights while he was at a day camp. The people at the Playskool booth were nice enough to give me a two-pack of Weebles for me to bring home to show Max what a real Weeble looked like. My kids loved them. They still love them. Jackson, being 19 months old, is the perfect age for Weebles. They fit his hands perfectly and he enjoys the fact that they don't fall down. He also enjoys throwing them across the room at his older brothers.

The great and deep thinker Jack Handy once wrote, "I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.”

That right there pretty much sums up my thoughts on the whole Green Movement. I am all for doing what is right by the environment. I recycle. I believe that people should use renewable/sustainable products but whenever I see something that is supposedly better for the environment I can't help but be somewhat skeptical. The people of Scotch-Brite were handing out samples of their new line of "Greener Clean" scrub sponges. Looking at their website they use the description "a new line of effective cleaning products." By using the word effective it says to me that other people are also skeptical. I have no idea on what kind impact the scrub sponge will have on the environment but I will tell you that it works just as good as their other non-earth friendly scrub sponges. I have used it only a few times so I have no idea whether it will last just as long as a normal sponge. My only criticism is that it would not fit in my ears to dampen the sound of a four-year screaming that he will "NOT eat my DINNER no matter WHAT", over and over again, while I tried to do the dishes.

I appreciate the fact that both Playskool and Scotch-Brite support the medium of blogging.

I now plan to teach Jackson how to throw the sponge instead of the Weeble.