Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Prom Date Jason Sehorn

When I took Jackson to NY last week for the Huggies/ KaBOOM event I had the opportunity to meet Jason Sehorn. Jason Sehorn is a former defensive back for the NY Giants and also the husband of Angie Harmon. We were two of only a handful of men that attended the event. While his wife was being interviewed by the press I made a bee line for Jason and introduced myself. He was very nice and friendly. He seemed genuinely interested in talking to me and we talked for about football for about 5 minutes. In an area that was filled with women and babies it was nice to have a good macho man to man conversation about my favorite sport.

Knowing that my brothers, who all consider me the non-athlete of the family, would never believe that I met and spoke to a professional football player I asked Torrie, another blogger attending the event, to take our picture. As Jackson, Jason and I struck our pose, Jackson got all squirmy and turned away from the camera. Instead of forcing Jackson around and having him look all ticked off for the photo, I simply turned my body the other way. Jason put his hand on my shoulder and we waited for Torrie to take the picture. Torrie asked that we hold the pose so she could take another with a different camera setting. Then someone from the Edelman group,the people who hosted the whole thing, asked us to stay in the pose so they too could snap a shot. We stood there for seem like a really long time.

The end result kind of reminds me of my prom picture.

A bigger picture can be found at Torrie's Flickr site here. And check out this pic of Jackson. He is so cute and should be the spokesbaby for Huggies. Thanks Torrie.

Monday, September 28, 2009

As seen on Dr. Phil ('s website)

Last Thursday I noticed in my Statcounter, that someone from the Dr. Phil show visited Poop and Boogies. I did not think too much about it although I did mention it to my wife Lauren. After some clicks and research we saw that the next show was from an Amtrak train. I just took an Amtrak train to the Huggies event I attended and I assumed someone from Dr. Phil's production company found my site through some type of Google search.

On Friday I checked my Statcounter and I saw a bunch of visits from Dr. Phil's website. They were coming from here.

Holy crap! Dr. Phil was recommending my site. I, of course, immediately posted that on my Facebook and Twitter pages. I read through the Dr. Phil website to see why. Apparently Dr. Phil was giving some advice to a new dad and encouraged him to start his own website. If you read the paragraph where Poop and Boogies is mentioned, it reads as if P&B is some kind of group support site for fathers. This was pointed out to me by several people (naysayers) on Facebook and Twitter that the Dr Phil people got it wrong because P and B is not a support site. But, you see, I saw the glass as half full and I read it as Dr. Phil encouraging the new dad to start his own website and P&B is one example of such a website. Someone at Dr. Phil knows about P & B. (Hi Email me.)

After reading the paragraph a few times it struck me that there was a possibility that Dr. Phil would, maybe, mention the name of this site on his show. I wondered how Poop and Boogies would sound with his Texas drawl. I spent a better part of the day daydreaming about what would happen if he does mention the blog on his show. I would be kind of like famous. I would be approached by all kinds of advertisers wanting to pay me for space on my blog. I could tell people that Dr. Phil himself reads and recommends my blog (which, you know, he probably does). Dr. Phil got his start on Oprah and I could get my start by being on his show. I was going places. The Poop and Boogies Show has such a nice ring to it. My dad would be so proud.

I DVRed the show and I watched the segment about the new father. The New Dad tells Dr. Phil that there are so many Mommy sites out there for women, by women, but that there are not too many by men. And just as Dr. Phil is about to mention some sites by men, his wife Robin interrupts the conversation to gush over the cuteness of the New Dad's baby. They then go to commercial and come back to a different segment.

So, Robin McGraw, Dr. Phil's wife, destroyed all my hopes of being famous by having Poop and Boogies mentioned on national television.

Does any one know anybody over at the Ellen show?

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Trainer

Potty training Wyatt has been a breeze. I guess training the second kid is always easier; Lauren and I know what tricks, signs to look for, and motivation worked with Max. Wyatt also has the advantage of having his older brother teaching him the ropes when it comes to using the john.

The best motivator Lauren and I have found is using treatsas a reward. Wyatt gets three miniature marshmallows if he pees on the potty and he gets five Skittles if he poops on the potty. We make a big deal of the "event" offering congratulations, high fives and words of encouragement while announcing to the house that Wyatt went either pee or poop. Then we divvy out the candy.

Maxfield also participates in the celebration and he too also gets pee or poop treats (you can't give candy to one kid and not the other). Max is now treating Wyatt's bowel movements as some kind of currency at a vending machine. He has figured out the quickest way to get sweets is to talk Wyatt into using the bathroom. And when Wyatt goes, Max is there in the bathroom cheering him on. Max has become quite the "corner man" in the bathroom.

"C'mon Wyatt. You can do it. Are you peeing? Maybe you should poop? We can get Skittles if you poop. C'mon Wyatt, poop! Skittles Wyatt. Skitttttles."

Max has become the Micky to Wyatt's Rocky.

"You're gonna eat lightnin; you're gonna crap thunder."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Jackson Takes NY

I posted yesterday about how Jackson was invited to New York, by Huggies, for an event promoting their new line of Little Mover Diapers as well as an auction to raise money for KaBOOM. The live auction, held at Madison Square park, auctioned off two pairs (or is it two pair? I don't know) of Huggies sneakers signed by Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn. Both Angie and Jason attended the auction. There are other celebrities, like Jenny McCarthy and Tori Spelling (start bidding Sue) signing shoes that will be sold on ebay to raise money for KaBOOM.

We had a blast. The people at Edelman, Huggies PR company, did a great job with the event.

Jackson and I took the train from Philly to NY on Monday night and we had dinner with some other bloggers that were also invited. I was familiar with some of the blogs but not all of them. We did the whole "go around the table and introduce yourself" kind of thing. When it came around to me I made my intros and told everyone that I had Poop and Boogies business cards to hand out and exchange with the other blogger's business cards. Guess who was the only dork to bring business cards? Yup. Me. Either I really am a nerd for copying and pasting my P&B header, along with my contact info, and printing them on Avery 8879 size biz cards, or none of the other bloggers wanted to trade with me. Either way, dorkish.

Tuesday morning, prior to the auction, Jackson and I took some time to walk around Manhattan.

We walked down Madison Ave.
We also stopped in some parks before we met the other bloggers and the Edelman people for breakfast and some feedback about diapers. During breakfast I mistook a little bowl filled with white granules and a spoon as sugar and I salted my coffee. I nearly spit the coffee on the person sitting across from me. I then needed to explain to the waiter that I needed more coffee because I was an idiot and put salt in my coffee. During our Q and A with the PR people I only said "whore" once (although I may have said hooker I can't remember) and I handed out more business cards because I had so many to give away. I make very good first impressions on people.
Jackson was not so much the "little mover" at the Little Mover Adventure Zone as he was a "little sitter". Either way though, he was really cute. Jackson was a great travel companion and I really enjoyed spending time with him. Except changing his diaper on the floor, of the bathroom, on the Amtrak train. I do not think there is enough Purell in this world to get rid of the heebie jeebie skeeviness I feel.
I know that Sci Fi Dad made fun of me in his comment on yesterday's post. He called me a mommy blogger. But he is just jealous because, you see, I also got to meet Angie Harmon.

I asked her if we could work out an arranged marriage between Jackson and her youngest daughter (who is only a few weeks older than Jackson). She kind of chuckled.
I then handed her my Poop and Boogies business card. She put the card in her purse. I make very good first impressions on people.

Monday, September 21, 2009


I was invited to New York City by Huggies for an event promoting their new diaper called the Little Movers. Actually I was not invited, Jackson was. They asked that he come to NY and try out their line of diapers. After some conversation with Lauren we decided that it would be okay if I took him away for an overnight visit to The Big Apple and a chance to meet some other bloggers and their kids.

Jackson and I boarded a train to NY and let me tell you, if you want to pick up 60 year old plus women, travel with a handsome baby. He was very popular among the blue hair demographics.
On the Amtrak to NY we sat next to a very nice woman who made room for us in the seat next to her. We made small talk towards the end of the journey when she asked if it was Jackson's first train ride. I joked that his older brothers were so jealous of him and his train ride. She asked if we were ever at a train museum and she mentioned a couple.

I said "Yes. We went to the one in ..uhmm...west of Philly...uhmm. " I could not think of the name of the town we visited a few years ago.

The nice lady continued to converse about the museums when the name of train town hit me.

"Intercourse." I said.

She looked at me weird.

"The train museum we went to was in Intercourse PA."

She nodded and continued to talk. I did not really hear anything she said because I could not stop laughing at myself and what she thought of me saying Intercourse.

Jackson and I met and had dinner with Metalia, Mrs Priss, Miss Zoot, Blasian Baby Notes and Torrie. So far we are having a great time.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Wyatt Blue started Pre-School. I feel it necessary to mention it here because, well a lot of people that read here were around for these posts here here here.
And these pictures
He's getting big ain't he?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Maxfield, either from his cousins or from his new classmates in kindergarten, has been introduced to Bakugan. I am sure if you have kids in the four to ten years of age range you most likely have heard of Bakugan. Over the past week Max has mentioned the Bakugan figures enough times to prompt me to look into them.

Bakugan is one of those Japanese cartoon anime shows that has spawned games and cards and toys that are becoming quite popular here in the States. The full name of the series is Bakugan Battle Brawlers. The game is centered around these little spring loaded balls that turn into miniature figures. A battle ensues and whoever wins the battle is the victor.

The other night I was in Wal-mart and I passed a huge Bakugan display. I looked at all the various packs and kits and whatnot and saw that a basic Bakugan figure was only four bucks. I bought a green dragon figure-ball for Max and red dragon figure-ball for Wyatt. I figured they could all learn the game together.

For all of you parents out there that want to learn about Bakugan Battle Brawler game here is a quick run down of how the game is played.

Step 1-
Kid 1- Takes his dragon figure-ball and rolls onto the card that came with the figure.
Kid 2- Takes his dragon figure-ball and rolls onto the card that came with the figure.

Step 2-
Kid 1- Realizes that Kid 2's figure is actually kind of cool looking and offers a trade of the figures.
Kid 2- Accepts trade but then after five minutes decides he would like to get his original ball back.

Step 3-
Kid 1-Refuses a re-trade.
Kid 2-Demands a re-trade.

Step 4-
Kid 1-Then takes both figures and pushes Kid 2. This is where the Battle part happens.
Kid 2- Gets up and yells "My Bakugan" and punches Kid 1.

Step 5-
Kid 1- Yells "No. My Bakugan." and shoves Kid 2.
Kid 2- Picks up a Spiderman action figure (sold separately) and wings it at Kid 1's head yelling even louder than the first time "MY BAKUGAN!"

Step 6-
Kid 1- Yells even louder "MY BAKUGAN!!"
Kid 2- is now supposed to jump on Kid 1 and try to pry the Bakugan figure out of Kid 1's hand.

The two kids commence rolling on the ground grunting and yelling and grabbing each other's faces until they are separated by a parent, who then threatens to take away all the Bakugans if the two kids cannot learn to share.

Step 7-
There is a moment of quiet.

Repeat Step 1 to continue with the game.

I am still trying to figure out why the game is so popular.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Hell's Angel

I slowed down as I approached the light, moving over towards the right hand lane.

"Oh, there is Uncle Pat." Lauren said and she pointed to a group of riders on their motorcycles in the left turn lane.

Lauren's Uncle Pat, one of the nicest and funniest guys, is a motorcycle enthusiast and he was out riding his motorcycle with other bikers on a beautiful day. He rode his cycle between two other guys who looked and dressed the part of a "biker". The guy closest to our van was big. Real big. His arms were huge and he had the toughest handlebar moustache I have ever seen. He looked like a bigger version of the dad from Orange County Choppers. He was scary.

I pulled the mini-van along side and a bit ahead of the idling bikers who were waiting to make a left in the left turn lane. I stopped just ahead of the bikes so they were at my driver's side rear fender. I rolled down my window hoping to get Uncle Pat's attention. I kind of stuck my head out and hoped Pat would see me. He did not. I was going to wave but then I thought I would be a smart ass and yell something. I did not want to hold up traffic so I kept checking my mirrors and the traffic signal.

The guy, the scary guy, who was closest to my van, saw me craning my neck, trying to get their attention and he pulled up real close to my window. I, of course, did not see him edge up to my window because I just looked up to make sure the light did not change. I turned my head out the window and yelled, "Are you trying to look like a tough guy!?" Right. Into the scary guy's. Face.

I think I may have peed a little bit. I could see the look of horror on my face in the reflective surface on his dark sunglasses. That is how close he was to my window.

"Uhhhmmmm. Not you." I said. "I meant him. Uhmmm, him. Uncle Pat. Uncle PAT? Oh Uncle Pat?" I waived frantically until Uncle Pat saw me and he yelled a greeting back.

The light changed to green and I quickly drove away a few shades paler than I was.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Red Handed

I should have seen it coming. It's one of those things that I knew was happening but for some reason I turned a blind eye to it. The signs were the typical, obvious signs that one would see on television shows like Dr. Phil or Oprah.

1. Longer than usual time spent on the computer
2. Strange phone numbers appearing on the bill
3. Easily distracted
4. Frequent trips to the store "Because I need something"
5. Unexplained receipts and charges in the bank account
6. Late nights away from the family
7. Feelings of guilt
8. An unexplained "glow" or happiness

The list goes on and on. I feel somewhat foolish for not seeing them early enough. I don't think the kids are affected and if they are they have adapted well. I am still trying to wrap my brain around it. I know it is not my fault but I am sure I hold some of the blame. I keep asking myself "Could I have done more to prevent this? What needs of hers am I not fulfilling."

Lauren is having an affair.

I am not sure when it started exactly but I do know that it has become more intense over this past summer. With vacations and day trips and other obligations I thought the whole thing would go away. I was wrong. That somehow she would lose interest. She didn't.

Like I said, I kind of knew it was happening all along but the whole affair was confirmed one evening when I cam home from work a bit early. The kids were watching TV in the Family Room with no sign of their mother around. I walked into the kitchen and just as I called out to Lauren I saw her wedding rings sitting on the window sill. I heard her rustling around in the dining room covering stuff up.

I popped my head in and I caught her red handed.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She held up her hands which were stained with various hues of pink, green, white and mostly red.

"I'm doing Art." She said and she smiled at me.

Art. Lauren met Art a long time ago, most likely when she was a kid. She always liked Art all the way through high school. When Lauren went into to college she did so for Art. Four years of her and Art. Lauren even went to Italy so she could better understand Art. After college, though, Art changed. Art went more in the direction of computers and Lauren was more of a traditional girl. They kind of parted ways. That was the time I met Lauren. She told me all about Art but I was pretty confident that her past relationship would not affect us.

Lauren and I fell in love, got married and now have a family. Some time last year Art started poking around again. I did not think much of it. Lauren got reacquainted with Art through websites like Etsy and Flickr (those sites promote infidelity I tell you.) 1.She was spending more time on the computer. 2.Lauren started calling around to various shows and places where she could see Art. 3. She got distracted by Art. 4. She would go out to various stores because she needed stuff for Art. 5. I would see receipts for Michael's and AC Moore. 6. Since late June Lauren has been spending at least three nights a week doing Art. 7. She feels guilty about her time away from the kids and how much more I have been doing. 8. She seems happier doing Art.
Art is lucky.

This coming weekend, Lauren will be having a fling with Art. She will showing and selling Art at the Doylestown Art Festival. If you are in the area stop by and tell Lauren what a hussy she is.

To save my brother Anonymous the effort of havng to comment- Yes Lauren likes her Art, well, hung.

Question--When a man has an affair with a woman, the other woman is called a mistress. When a woman has an affair what is the other man called? Mister-ess?

Check out what Lauren is doing at Gigglepotamus.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


The first Saturday of every month Home Depot offers a free "Kids How-To Workshop". Home Depot provides hammers, nails, official Home Depot aprons (the kids get to keep them) glue and a kit for the kids to build. Their slogan is "Build. Learn. Create." I have taken Maxfield and Wyatt to these workshops (and the ones at Lowes) in the past and we usually have a good time. We have built bird houses, trucks, pirate ships and other wooden type stuff.

We have not attended a how-to clinic in quite a while and Lauren suggested that I take the kids this past Saturday, which I did. The workshop, which has seating for 16-20, people was quite busy on Saturday. When we arrived there was already a 10 minute wait for available space at the work table and a line, of about 8 other kids, formed behind Max and Wyatt.

The build-it-yourself kit this week was a bean bag game thing. The kit came with 5 pieces of wood, 2 bean bags, 10 short nails and 4 long nails. The instructions did not look too complicated. The way I usually handle these workshop kit things is that I get Max started on his project and then I build Wyatt's to a couple of steps past Max's so if questions come up I can be ready to answer them. I got Max started on the first nail and I began to build Wyatt's.

Max was ready for step two and asked me for help. Since I was already on step three, I set up Max's nails for his step two and I continued tinkering with Wyatt's. I tinkered and tinkered. I could not get step three to work right. I looked at the instructions over and over and the pieces of wood for step three would not fit. I looked at all the other parents and their kids and they all were doing fine. I tried to get a closer look at the project of the little girl sitting closest to us but I felt like I was cheating on a test. I think she even tried to shield her assembly with her elbow and forearm and she gave me the evil eye. I started to break a sweat.

Max was done his step two and asked me to help him with step three. It was right then I realized that I put step two together the wrong way. I confused the "right leg" with the "left leg"and although they were identical pieces of wood, it totally made a difference in the assembly. I took the claw of the hammer and I removed the long nails from the "right leg" as well as a chunk of flesh from my thumb. I started to bleed. Not just a little bit, but alot. It was one of those cuts that looks worse than it is because it would not stop trickling blood.

I quickly hammered Wyatt's pieces back together and I explained to Max that his step two was wrong and that I needed to pull it apart so he could do it the right way. He got mad and asked that I not bleed on his bean bag game. I clawed Max's pieces and hammered them back. I got wood glue all over my hands in the process. We all moved to step three together, which again, I could not figure out.

I looked at the instructions and then at the wood pieces in front of me. The instructions, the wood pieces. The instructions, the wood pieces. I shook my head and sighed. I put step two together wrong again. I put the pieces right back the way I had them. I took them all apart, again, while Max and Wyatt protested. I added more glue and I hammered the pieces together. I bent one of the long nails in Wyatt's game and I dropped two nails on the floor, they rolled out of reach under the table. I was very frustrated. People who were behind us in line at the start of the workshop were finished their projects and were heading out the door.

I studied the instructions again as I sucked on the cut on my thumb to prevent the blood from dripping on the table. I got a mouthful of wood glue. I started to work on step three when I could feel my face get flush and my ears burn, I could feel anger rising from my chest.

"Son of a...." I swallowed the last word. "I can't believe it."

I put the pieces back together the exact same way I did the first few times. Wrong.

I could not believe I made the same mistake, not once, not twice, not three, but four fa-ricking times.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I have gutted rooms, dry-walled cielings, re-done kitchens and bathrooms, I even have put together many pieces of Ikea furniture and never had this many problems. What the hell was wrong with me and this simple little game? I was beside myself. Flustered.

Then it hit me. I was holding back due to the room full of children. My mental block, my problem with this do-it-yourself clinic was the fact that I was unable to curse when I messed up.
My DIY motto has always been "Build. Curse. Learn."

Friday, September 04, 2009


Wyatt and Jackson attended their first Phillies Game. It took me 35 years to become a fan of baseball. Now, I love the game. I wish I became a fan earlier in life because of all the conversations I missed out on with my dad and my brothers through the years. I am just now learning some of the science, art, intricacies and nuances of the game, which I may or may not be able to teach my kids. My boys may never develop an interest in the game of baseball....
...unless it involves cotton candy, popcorn, peanuts and soda. I think they will always have an interest in those aspects of the game.

It was a good game. A pitcher's duel which made it somewhat boring for the kids. Not too many plays presented themselves for me to impart my wisdom of the game onto the kids.
We had a good time. We left after the 6th inning when Max and Wyatt took the phrase Fightin' Phils quite literally and started to beat the crap out of each other.
On the way out of the game we stopped to use the restroom and finally a ball park teachable moment presented itself. I had to explain to Max that it was socially unacceptable to talk to the people standing on either side of him, while peeing, at the urinals in the men's room. It is a nuance of the game.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009


Maxfield starts Kindergarten next week.

I am a little nervous for him.


Well, this is me in Kindergarten.

Do you understand why I may be nervous?