Monday, July 31, 2006

Don't you hate it...

... when you are doing the dishes* and you are leaning against the counter with your hips, because you need a little extra leverage to scrub a pan, and the force of the water and the force of the scrubbing splashes all over you and pools up in that area on the counter between the stainless steel sink and your hips and you don't notice it soaking into the front of your jeans when the door bell rings, so you answer the door and looks like you wet your pants.

*4 out of 5 women recommend husbands that do dishes.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Clean up

I have to clean up a few things that have been sitting in my note book.

First and foremost Eclectic won the "Guess Wyatt Blue's Birtday" contest from back in June. She was the only person to actually guess the right day. I sent her a book, which I hope she enjoys because if she does not, well, that was a waste of a perfectly good guess. I was supposed to mail her an Abe Lincoln copper-esque medallion but Maxfiled keeps throwing all the ones I have into the fountain at the mall.

I also have to point out that Circus Kelli made a very cool picture for Susie over at "What was I Thinking". Susie has become a medical conundrum and knows that only bloggers give a rats' ass. I read Susie's blog whenever she updates and due to her medical mystery she does not update all that often. But I want her to know that I give a rat's ass.

And lastly, the cover of the next "Beef Cake" magazine.

Friday, July 28, 2006

The look I usually get

The other night I was at the grocery store with Maxfield when we bumped into one of our neighbors. I was chatting with her in the aisle as Max was ducking back and forth behind a floor freezer in an attempt to play peek-a-boo with her. She was smiling and being playful with Max and asking him “little kid” questions.

“You’re getting so big Max. How old are you?”

“Tooooo.” Max said as he held up his two fingers.

“What comes after two?”

“Treeeeee.” He held up three fingers.

“Wow. You can count. Can’t you max?”

At this point Max got distracted by a neon sign just a few feet away. He walked over to the sign and pointed at each letter. “Beeee. Eeeee. Ceeee. Krrrkkayy. Esssss.” He proudly said.

My neighbor turned to me with a big smile on her face and said, “Wow he is so smart. For a two year old to know his letters, that is great.”

“Well,” I said, “I have only taught him how to spell the names of beers.”

The smile on her face quickly changed to a look of bewilderment as she tried to figure out whether I was serious or not.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


Certain members of my family have recently accused me of “Instigating” due to my past few posts. I was laughing as I was telling Lauren about the numerous conversations I had with family members about this blog.

“My mom says I am instigating.”

“Well you are. You get it from your father.”

“What do you mean?”

“He is always trying to start trouble. When he was here for the baptism there were a few times he said stuff to me. I asked him if he was trying to start trouble and he said he likes to make it rough for you guys. I think he said “as rough as you guys make it for him” or something like that.”

If you get a chance go to yesterdays post and read the comment from MomO9

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bahama Mama

I was talking to my brother Kevin about his recent trip to visit us here in Florida with my parents. After Kevin and his wife and my Mom and Dad left Orlando they flew to the Bahamas for a few days.

"Did you guys have a good time?" I asked.

"Yes. It was awesome."

"Did Mom and Dad like the Bahamas?"

"Yes." replied Kevin.

"Did they have a good time?"

"Yes. Almost too good of a time."

I looked at him with a rasied eyebrow to which he answered.

"I'm saying you might be getting a little baby sister out of the deal."

Monday, July 24, 2006


They say a picture is worth a thousand words. What does a lack of pictures mean?

Right before I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida I asked my mom for one gift for Maxfield. The gift was very important to me. I asked that she make a scrap book with pictures of all of his cousins and aunts and uncles. I wanted to use the scrapbook as a guide and tool for Max to get to know his family.

My mom did an excellent job. Of course there are pictures of MaMa and Pa (my parents). There are pictures of all my siblings and their families. There is Uncle Soprano and Aunt Edie Falco (my sister), Uncle Tripleareola and his family, Uncle Pez (aka Anonymous) and and his wife and kids. My mom included pictures of Uncle Bacardiandcoke and his family, Uncle Vicki and Aunt John (Aka LawnWhisperer), Uncle Shamu, his wife and three kids, Uncle Popnpuss and his new family, as well as Baby Jesus and his wife and three kids (at the time he only had three now he has four). There are also pictures of Mommom and Poppop (Lauren's parents), Lauren's sister as well as pictures of Max's godparents, Mr. Miyagi and Aunt Bridget Mc.

It is a nice book that Maxfield and I review once a week so he will recognize all the important people in his life that he does not see on a regular basis.

Just this evening I was reviewing the pictures with Max when I noticed something peculiar. In the scrapbook there are at least two pictures of every one of my siblings except for Uncle Pez and the LawnWhisperer. There is only one picture of each them. I wonder what my mom was getting at by having more pictures of everyone else in the scrapbook.


Never has a post here caused as much controversy as the one about Thomas the tank engine and friends being dicks. Not so much with the blog-o-sphere, but with members of my family. The post has prompted many phone calls from my siblings.

The second call, from Jim was in regards to my lack of mental filter. The third call was from my brother Mike to tell me he was letting his kids play with Thomas. And the first, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh call (I am sure there will be more) were all from LawnWhisperer. LW is a little upset at the fact that I said:

“Sure I let my son play with the trains but I don’t want him picking upon the how the trains treat each other on the videos.”

He finds it absolutely ridiculous that parent’s blame TV shows for adversely influencing their kids. He also finds it absolutely hysterical that I could be one of those parents. He pointed out the fact that we grew up watching Road Runner, Tom and Jerry and Bugs bunny cartoons and that we never dropped anvils on each other (Susie from Raising Liam also pointed this out) and that I was the worst when it came to how much time was spent in front of the TV.

He said it was all about parenting, which I know and I got his point after the first phone call and I agree with him. However, it was the 4 or so subsequent phone calls that he made to me to drive his point home.

“Bill, this is LW, I was watching Wiley E Coyote this weekend with the kids and you won’t believe what happened. Luke dropped Kyle off a cliff.”

“Bill, I was watching Finding Nemo this weekend with the kids and now Kyle thinks he can live underwater.”

“Bill, We watched Sponge Bob and now the kids think it is okay to live under a pineapple.”

“Bill, We were watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this weekend and now the kids won’t listen to me. They will only listen to a giant Rat.”

During each one of these conversations he had me laughing at the different scenarios he would create. They would get bigger and broader in scope. We talked about steroids in baseball and violent lyrics in music. He said, “Any person that listens to Ozzy and goes out and kills someone, was going to kill someone anyway, regardless of the music. They just use the music as an excuse. People got to stop blaming this stuff.”

I told him I totally agreed with him but since I actually posted something to the contrary he had ammunition for a long time to make fun of me. On his last phone call to me about this topic he summed it up.

“You saying that your kids will be mean to each other because Thomas and his friends are mean to each other is like…well let me put it this way. If I were to watch porn it does not mean I am going to get laid.”

Sunday, July 23, 2006


Maxfield training an army of ducks.

Wyatt Blue lifting his head.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Terrible T.O.'s

Last night I am sitting in the Barnes and Noble children’s area watching Max play with the Thomas the train set. I was in a mood. Not a good mood, not a bad mood, just one of those moods. There were two other kids there with their fathers and we were exchanging the normal small talk of “How old is your son?” and “Terrible twos and sharing” and “blah blah blah.”

Dad #1 started discussing the Thomas the train videos and how much his son loves them to Dad #2. The other dad was clueless to the Thomas videos. His son has never seen them and really isn’t into the train thing. Dad #1 was saying how he thinks Dad #2’s son would probably like them because they are simple yet interesting and how George Carlin is the voice on most of the tapes. Dad # 2 seemed interested.

It was at this point that I had to speak up. “Just because Carlin is doing the voice it does not make them funny. And quite frankly I don’t think the videos actually have much to offer kids. Sure I let my son play with the trains but I don’t want him picking upon the how the trains treat each other on the videos.”

“How is that?” Said Dad #1.

“They just aren’t nice to each other.” I responded.

“What do you mean?” Said Dad #2.

“Well, I can’t point out specifics but I have seen many of the videos and well the trains are just, how do I say this? The trains just treat each other… they are selfish and mean…they just. All of the trains are D-I-C-K-H-E-A-D-S.”

Both dads looked at me while they computed what I had spelled out. Dad # 1 nodded his head in agreement and said, “I see what you mean.”

The conversation switched to where we each are from and I mentioned Philly. Dad #1 started talking about the Eagles and how they lost T.O. to Dallas. He was a Dallas fan. I explained that the Eagles didn’t lose T.O. but they got rid of him. I told him that I thought he was an exceptional player but that the Eagles were better off with out him. Dad #1 then mentioned that Dallas has such a great team this year and blah blah bah. That T.O. is just misunderstood.

“Misunderstood?” I said. “There is no misunderstanding about it. I think he is a great player but he is not a team player.”

“What do you mean?” Dad #1 said.

“What I mean is …how do I say this…I think T.O. is an A-S-S-H-O-L-E. He was one before the Eagles and he is one after the Eagles.” I watched as both dads computed in their heads what I had just spelled out. Dad #2 nodded his head in agreement.

“Basically” I said, “I think he watched too many Thomas videos growing up.”

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Lauren went to get her haircut last night. She is smoking hot. I am using her picture without her permission and may have to take it down at some point.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Midnight Snacks

One of my bad habits, which I inherited from my father, is waking up in the middle of night to get a midnight snack. Now I am nowhere near as bad as my dad as far as the choices of snack that I like to have in the wee hours of the morning. My dad used to and probably still does, would get up to make himself a spoonful of peanut butter with sugar on top. He would take a tablespoon or a soupspoon or even possibly a ladle and scoop up as much peanut butter as he could. He would then take the peanut butter covered spoon and just stick it into the sugar bowl until it had a nice white crystal coating. My dad would then place the entire glob into his mouth and with one motion he would eat the spoon clean.

Now my midnight snacks are usually either because I have a hankering for something. A craving that will not go away and let me sleep. Some people eat snacks due to boredom. Maybe I am bored while I am sleeping, I know strange but it is possible. My latest midnight snack of choice has been graham crackers and milk. I can’t get enough of them.

Lauren thinks this is an unhealthy habit and she does her best to discourage me. Our bedroom is right next to the kitchen so when I do wake up I have to go into stealth mode in order to sneak me some delicious honey cinnamon coated crackers. I do my best to hide the evidence before the morning. Now with the new baby needing to get fed every few hours my window of opportunity has shortened.

Last night I got caught. Twice. The first time Lauren just called form the bedroom. “What are you doing?”

I quickly put the box of crackers away and mumbled, “Getting a drink of water.”

The second time I was doing my best to quiet the crackly cellophane wrapping on the crackers when I turned around and Lauren was standing in the kitchen entrance. She scared the crap out of me. Damn, she is more stealthy than I am.

What is your favorite midnight snack?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A long post about nothing really.

I am married again. Lauren bought me a new wedding ring for our anniversary. She gave me the ring last week but it did not fit. I needed to get a bigger size because you know what they say the bigger the finger...the bigger the..., well you know...the bigger the ring size. So last night we packed up the family and headed to the mall to exchange the ring.

At the mall Lauren took Maxfield to the book store while I took Wyatt to the jewelry store to exchange the ring. "Hi. Can I help you?" Said the lady behind the shiny glass case.

"Yes." I said. "I need to exchange this ring for a bigger size. I think this is a size 10 and I need either an 11 or maybe even bigger."

"Do you know your ring size?"

"No. Do you have something I can try on? So I can figure that out."

She handed me a giant "ring ring". I would have said "Key ring" but it was actually a ring with a bunch of rings on it. While I figured out what size I needed the girl behind the counter took my reciept and started to process the exchange.

" That will be $40.00" She said.

"For what?" I asked.

"For re-sizing the ring."

" I don't want it re-sized. I want to exchange it for a bigger ring?"

"We do not have a bigger ring in stock and that would be a special order which could take a couple of weeks."

"I can wait. I will hold onto the receipt and you order the new ring and when it comes in I will exchange it. "

"I can't do that. The only thing I can do is re-size that one."

"Okay, what if I came in and wanted to order this type of ring in size 11, would it be more expensive?"


"But since the ring was already purchased it is more expensive to get it in the right size?"


"What if I wanted to return the ring, could I do that and a full refund?"


"Okay. And If I did that and then ordered this ring in the right size it would NOT cost me the extra $40.00, is that right?"


"I just want to return the ring and get a refund."

"Do you want to order the size 11?"

"No. I just want to return the ring and I will get another ring somewhere else. I am totally confused by the whole extra forty bucks thing. It does not make sense."

She would not let me return the ring because Lauren used her credit card. I went down to the book store and explained everything to Lauren. I stayed with Max and she took Wyatt to return the ring. We agreed that Max and I would wait at the book store unitl Lauren got back and then we would all go to a different jewelry store.

I was sitting in the children's section reading to Max when a woman who worked there approached us and told me how "Precious" Max is. We get this a lot. Almost everytime we are in public women will tell us how cute Max is. That he has beautiful eyes or a cute smile. Max usually flirts right back.

At some point Max decided, as he usually does in a book store, that it was time to poop. The smell was awful. I could'nt change him because Lauren had the diaper bag. With my eyes watering I anxiuosly waited for Lauren to return. When she finally returned I told her I needed to change Max. She looked in the diaper bag and realized we never packed diapers for him for our trip. She figured we were not going to be out that long and it would not matter. I told her I would hurry at the next jewelry store so we could get home and change Max.

As we walked down the mall you could almost see the smell emnating from Max's backside. It was like walking with Pepe Le Pue. The older ladies would stop to admire his eyes and they would get a whiff of him and they would run off. I entered the next jewelry store and apologized about my son stinking up the store. I quickly found the style of ring I wanted and asked to order it in a size 11. The one in the showcase was an 11 and a half. I took it because I felt bad that we stunk up the place. I asked the clerk to bless the ring since it was my new wedding ring. We took the ring and headed home.

I told Lauren that I got the half size bigger.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I wantred it tight enough that it wouldn'e fall off but I wanted it lose enough that I have some room to get fatter fingers without cutting off the circulation."

"You getting fatter should not be a goal of yours. What am I going to do with you?"

Monday, July 17, 2006

Sibling Fortune Cookies

I talk on the phone with my brothers and sister all the time. At some point during these conversations they freely give out advice and tips and little nuggets of wisdom which I try to remember and write down. 9 out of 10 times, I forget. Some of the words of wisdom are classic and deserve to be put down here.

I was speaking with John the other day when he offered this advice.

"Bill, why do you got to write all that mushy, lovey dovey crap on your blog. Knock it off. Yeah, I know it was your anniversary and all and you were just being romantic, but do you know what being romantic leads to? Sex. And do you know what sex leads to? More Kids. You don't want to have any more kids. Believe me."

And this one,I know I heard before, but coming from John made it funny to me. He called me on the phone and this is the conversation.

Bill: Hello
John: Hey.
Bill: Yo. What's going on?
John: Nothing. What are you doing?
Bill: I am babysitting. Lauren went to the store so I have Max and Wyatt.
John: Yeah? Listen you smacked ass. It is NOT called babysitting if it is your own kids.

I know the first one may be too long to put into a fortune cookie but I know the second one will fit.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Toot Toot

This morning we took Wyatt for his 30-day check up. The doctors office informed us that Wyatt was not covered on our health insurance and that we need to call the insurance company and get everything straightened out. Lauren and Wyatt stayed at the doctor’s office while I took Maxfield home to call the insurance company.

When I called the insurance company I informed the customer service person that I was watching a rambunctious and loud two year old and I asked for their patience if I got distracted. I was bounced around from one department to the next and was put on hold several times. Sometimes there was “hold music” and sometimes there was not. While on hold I was playing with Max and helping him with a puzzle. Finally Melissa came on the line and asked me to hold for a few more minutes while she looked up some info. She would come back, ask me a question and then put me on hold again.

So with the phone cradled in the nook of my shoulder and head I continued to play with Max. I was on hold for the umpteenth time when Max farted really loud. I laughed and he laughed and he tried to squeeze more out. I asked Max, “Did you just toot?” He giggled some more. So I asked again, “Are you tooting? Did you just toot?”

Just then, over the phone Melissa said, “No I didn’t toot.”

I did not realize she was still on the line.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Four years already

Four years ago Lauren and I exchanged these vows.

I chose you to be my wife/husband
In front of our family and friends as witnesses
I promise to give you the very best of me
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to always love you
in good times and bad
in healthy times and in sickness.
I promise to be faithful to you.
I promise to always be there for you
to support you and to nurture you
and to be receptive of the gift of your love.

I love you more today than yesterday
but not as much as tomorrow

I will love you for the rest of my life*

As you wish.

* I actually did not say this particualr line because I was a blubbering idiot so I am off the hook with "rest of my life" part.

Go here for the story that I posted last year. And here and here for pictures of the groomsmen.

If you want to see the video of part of the toast where the LawnWhisperer is dressed as Superman please go to his blog and leave him a message/comment so I can get permission to post it.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


I lost my wedding ring. Not a good move, but what can I say. I misplaced it right after we brought Wyatt home while Lauren’s Parents were staying with us. I am not blaming Wyatt or Lauren’s parents, (although maybe they were thinking that if they took the ring that would mean I was no longer married to their daughter and maybe some wish full thinking was manifesting itself by my ring disappearing and I am not saying that they don’t like me but you never get a second chance to make a first impression and the first time I actually met my mother in-law I was somewhat drunk and spilled a drink on her dress) Anyway, I am just saying it was hectic and I cannot remember where I put it.

I finally confessed to Lauren that I lost it. Two days later she said, “Do you notice that I am not wearing my wedding ring?”

I lied and acted like I did notice, “Yeah. Why not?”

“I am not wearing mine until you find yours.”

“It is around here somewhere. I probably put it in my pocket and it ended up in the wash. Anyway you should still wear yours.”


“My ring only cost, like, 50 bucks. Yours was much more expensive. You don’t want to lose it.”
“But I KNOW where my wedding ring is. You, however, do not.”

“Well YOU should know where yours is because it was much more expensive than 50 bucks.”

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


On Sunday we had Wyatt Blue baptized. His Godparents, Uncle Kevin (AKA funny Anonymous commenter) and Aunt Felicia and his Grandparents (my parents) MaMa and Pa came down from Pennsylvania to Florida to attend the service. There were many incidents during the mass and service that caused church giggles. A few were due to the differences in how our church services are in my Florida parish compared to Pennsylvania parishes my parents and siblings attend.

One difference is in the way the Lord’s Prayer is done. In PA the congregations stands and recites the prayer. In Florida, the congregation stands and holds hands and recites the prayer. Felicia who was seated in the middle of the pew ended up holding hands with some strange man sitting next to her on her right. On her left was Kevin who broke the chain and did not hold hands with Felicia. Everybody in the church is holding hands except for Kevin, Me, Lauren, MaMa and Pa. My mom got a kick out of this and was snickering. After the communion, Kevin and I did not go back to the pew but instead to the back of the church. As I approached Kevin in the back he said to me, “I wanted to give Felicia some more time with her new boyfriend.” Making reference to guy she was holding hands with in church.

During the baptism ceremony, after the priest was done pouring holy water over the babies being baptized, he would hoist the baby over his head and present the infant to the entire congregation. I have never seen this done before except by Rafiki when he held up Simba in the Lion King. I really liked this part of the service but I could not help humming the Circle of Life. When it came time for Wyatt to be presented, I noticed that the priest was not holding any of the babyies' heads when he lifted the children. Since Wyatt is only a month old, I whispered to Lauren to make sure she supported his head because he is still so young and could get hurt. When the priest lifted Wyatt, Lauren put her hand up and held Wyatt’s head. It looked pretty funny. Almost like Lauren was trying to give Wyatt "rabbit ears" for the photos.

In an effort to keep Maxfield occupied during the services we gave him candy and some coins for him to count and play with. After the service while we were taking pictures Maxfield proceeded to throw his coins into the Holy Water Fountain just like he would do at the mall. The fountain in my church is pretty nice and is just that, a fountain with running Holy Water. The water comes up from a basin in the floor and fills a bowl at the top and then cascades down one side of the stone base. Sure enough, as we were taking pictures Maxfield put his mouth against the fountain and started drinking Holy water.

All in all it was fun day and we enjoyed spending time with the family.

When I told LawnWhisperer about Max drinking the holy water he said to me, “Do know what that means? If he drank holy water that means he is going to piss holy water. You should save his diapers and bless yourself with them.”

Max getting Holy.

MaMa holding Wyatt on the phone with LawnWhisperer

Anonymous Godparent's with Wyatt Blue

Lauren and Wyatt

Monday, July 10, 2006

1 month old

Thursday, July 06, 2006

One of my lifes mysteries answered.

So the space shuttle took off on July 4th. I was supposed to walk outside at 2:38 pm so I could look up into the sky and watch it as it blasted into orbit. I never got around to it. Why? I blame it on Steve and Joe.

You see we had a long morning with a kid’s parade and festivities in the neighborhood and driving my sister-in-law to the airport, that when we got home Maxfield was a little wired and did not want to take his afternoon nap. Lauren and Wyatt were resting peacefully in the bedroom and I was left entertaining Max for the afternoon.

Max and I played for about an hour when I started to feel a little tired myself. I figured I would turn on the tube to Noggin and lay down with Max in the hope that he may fall asleep. I could not believe my eyes when I saw on the on-screen cable guide, that they were showing a Blues Clues Marathon. Not only was it a Blues Clues Marathon but also it was the episodes where they replaced Steve with Joe.

Now I know I am late to the whole Blues Clues thing due to the fact that I only had my first child two years ago and Blue and friends have been on since the late 90’s but I could never figure out why they replaced Steve with Joe. I always thought that Steve was holding out for more money in his contract, and the producers just decided to replace Steve much like the Darren’s on Bewitched. But only this wasn’t another Steve. This was a new character named Joe. And this was three-episode series explaining Joe’s arrival and Steve’s departure. Max and I were engrossed in the show.

Joe is Steve’s brother and he was coming to stay at Blue’s house to take care of Blue and learn about Blue’s Clues in preparation for Steve’s departure. Why was Steve leaving? That was not explained until the last episode of the three. Which the start time on Noggin was at 2:30. I had to watch to see what was going to happen.

I had an uneasy feeling that Steve was going to leave and everybody would say goodbye and it would be okay, but then Radar would come into the operating room and announce that Steve’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan. I was prepping Max and myself for a very sad ending.

But it did not end like that. Basically, Steve just went off to college.

History was happening outside my window with the shuttle being launched, but I needed to find out the answer to one of those small nagging little questions that I thought about all the time in my little universe. Which I am glad I did.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Let Down

We were prepping for dinner when Lauren braced herself against the table with one hand grabbed her chest with the other. She let out a slow moan. The look on her face told me she was in pain.

“What?” I asked. “Are you okay?”

She sighed as the uneasy feeling subsided. “Whew. That was a let-down.”

“What do you mean? A let down that it was NOT a heart attack?”

She sat down and rolled her eyes at me. “No. When a woman is breast feeding, she can feel her milk ducts, I don’t know how to say this, let loose?”


“It is a pretty strong tingly sensation. It is called Let-Down.”

“Like your boobs fell asleep?”

“No. Not like that. You should read the breastfeeding, uh, manual that I brought home from the hospital.”

“A MANUAL? Like I could learn how to breastfeed?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Well I could learn but it won’t work.”

“At least you can read about what I am going through.”

I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and started writing. Lauren looked puzzled. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“I am writing this down so I can blog about it.”

“Bill, I don’t know how I feel about you discussing my boobs on the internet.”

“Whatever. How does this sound? We were prepping for dinner, when Lauren….”

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

July 4th

My mom's birthday is July 4th. It is really weird because they celebrate my mom's birthday in Orlando Florida too. We had a neighborhood parade and ate watermelon and stuff.

Happy birthday mom. (I bet Lawnwhisperer did not put a post on his blog for your birthday)

Sunday, July 02, 2006


The other day Lauren was folding laundry (the whites to be exact so take that Lawnwhisperer) and I walked up to her and gave her a kiss and a hug to show my apprecaition of the fact that she is my wife. Neither the kiss nor the hug were returned. She did not kiss me or hug me back. I could have kissed and hugged a stone and I would have felt more warmth. I could tell something was wrong.

"I just hugged and kissed you and you did not respond. What's up with that?"

"I am mad at you."

"For what? I didn't do anything. "

"I am mad because I am doing the laundry and I am rolling your socks."

"Well leave them for me, I will get to them."

"It's not that. I just hate the way you put your socks into the washer. Inside out. Then when they come out of the dryer I have to put them all back inside right to match them up. I hate doing that."

I said I was sorry and I walked out. Then I thought about how I take my socks off. I grab them from the top and pull out and down. I peel them off my foot so that when they are completely off, they are inside out. Fuzzy side out. Seam side out. Then I thought about it some more and I assured myself that I was doing the right thing. My theory that I came up with inside my head and that I later presented to Lauren was this:

Since the inside of the sock touches my foot and the outside of the sock just sits inside my sneaker all day it is more important that the insides of the sock is facing outwards when it is in the washer so it gets more clean.

Lauren did not buy it.
I now have to figure out a different way to take off my socks.